April 25 2011

Cold open banter

The show opens with loose banter: what people say after a sermon, Wi-Fi and Facebook in church, and a meandering bit about the Angry Birds game, before turning to the night's main topic.

The atheist prayer room: reflections

• What was your take on the Atheist Prayer Room?

A host recounts spending Friday morning in the prayer room set up above an atheist convention in Des Moines. He describes praying that attendees would leave unsatisfied rather than scared, and argues many atheists are reacting to hurt from rigid churches, so believers must represent Christ's love well.

Debating atheist logic

The hosts argue the convention's logic-and-reason branding breaks down: embracing a lifestyle that ends a generation under evolutionary thinking, performing de-baptisms, and throwing hotel Bibles in the trash are not rational behavior. Includes a joke about hotel conditioner being 'a work of fiction.'

Dan's draining nights in the prayer room

Addressed as Dan on-air, one host describes the emotional and spiritual drain of praying over the convention for three nights, cycling through sorrow, defensiveness, and exhaustion. He lands on the 'rabid raccoon on the leg' analogy and a Monty Python 'flesh wound' bit for praying for people who insist they don't need help.

Saturday in the prayer room and the 'air raid'

Another host describes his Saturday in the prayer room, praying that the attendees would leave 'confused' and full of doubt. He tells of catching flak from Christians for participating, of the group confirming their calling was to pray rather than preach, and of seeing street evangelists having calm conversations on his way out, which he frames as the air raid before the ground troops.

Comedy run: Crisco hands, the wedding slip, showers

A long comedy stretch: the story of shaking hands with Crisco-coated 'holy oil' hands, a wedding where the officiant introduced 'Mr. and Mr.' after a draining Saturday, wearing a shirt he had blown his nose on, chat participant SP weighing in, and riffs on football-team showers, old-style hygiene, and Jeff Arendale's dry-shower legend. Closes with the show mocking its own last seven minutes as a mistake.

Housekeeping comedy: deodorant shirts, bath music, the sombrero

• Is Zamfir dead?

More bits: ironing deodorant into dirty shirts, dryer sheets in the vents, bath music with Kenny G and Zamfir, the farmer's-market pan-flute player Pedro Madero, street performers, and a long roleplay about Troy's Easter sombrero from his grandma, debating whether an enthusiastic reaction to a bad gift is love or phoniness.

The pneumatic animatronic band

A host almost rescues a discarded full-size pneumatic animatronic band from a kids' pizza place by a dumpster. The hosts scheme about storing the five members, programming them for living Bible scenes, and dressing the horn player in a bathrobe for a nativity. Preceded by a bit about Damasus's stolen moped.

Break promo: AM 940 Sunday slot

The hosts plug the show's Monday night stream, past episodes, and podcast, announce a first-Sunday AM 940 hour at 5pm thanks to a donated time slot, and tease the first-anniversary collection video over the break.

First-anniversary collection video

The audio of the show's first-anniversary collection video, played during the break: a rapid montage of out-of-context quotes and clips from the first year, including the REMAX studios sign-on, oddball one-liners, and Abby's write-in about Mike and Ben teasing her shirt.

Show shirts after the break

Back from break, the hosts browse the show's shirt designs on-air: the 'less hair, more Jared' text shirt (made to cheer up Jared Roy), the Secular vs. Solomon shirt, a donkey shirt, and the retro sports tee, noting prices and the 'no markup' policy, and circling back to the animatronic horn player.

Should churches bribe people to come to Easter?

• What do you think about a church offering a $50 Target gift card drawing to get newcomers to Easter service?

A host flags a church offering newcomers a $50 Target gift-card drawing for Easter service and asks what the others think. They find it cheesy and ineffective rather than offensive: paying people to come in puts getting bodies in the door ahead of introducing people to Jesus, and flash-in-the-pan crowds can't be served well.

Rent-a-bar churches and alcohol legalism

Spinning off outreach ideas, the hosts riff on renting a bar for a Tuesday service, then turn serious about American Christianity's aversion to alcohol: the Bible condemns drunkenness, not drinking, and demonizing one non-sin while excusing debt and excess is religious piety used to judge others.

Secular vs. Solomon game

The full Secular vs. Solomon game: the reader gives a proverb and the hosts and chat guess whether it is from Solomon or a secular source, with nationalities guessed for secular ones. Rounds include Proverbs 27:20, Proverbs 27:1-2, a Yiddish hot-bath proverb, a Russian priest's-beard proverb, a Welsh adversity proverb, Proverbs 26:22, Proverbs 9:8-9, a Turkish wrong-road proverb, and a Swedish unused-path proverb, interrupted by the John the Baptist animatronic riff and the stanky-feet prayer-room bit. Closes with a teaser for next week's 'Deuteronomy or Dan.'

The May 21 caravan and failed end-of-the-world predictions

• How do end-of-the-world date-setters get around 'no one knows the day, not even the Son'?

A host recounts driving past a caravan of buses at Walmart advertising May 21 as the end of the world with 2012 crossed out. The hosts read through a list of past failed predictions: Albert Porta's 1919 sun-explosion forecast, eight Jehovah's Witness dates, Pat Robertson, Joseph Smith's 1891 claim, and William Miller's 1843 and 1844 dates leading to the Great Disappointment. They criticize putting words in the Lord's mouth and distrusting people who claim the Holy Spirit told them the date.

Every breath is preparation; inviting the doomsday group on

• Whose job is it to call the May 21 prediction heresy?

The hosts argue the end could come before bedtime, so quitting your job to preach only after hearing a date proves you weren't living ready. They announce Matt Cassidy's return and plan to invite the May 21 group on the show, ideally scheduled May 23 so they can announce a cancellation. They close on heresy: misleading people keeps the focus on man and dates instead of Christ.

Sign-off and music plugs

The sign-off: Monday 10-to-midnight slot, Sunday AM 940 reminder, past musical-guest performances, and a plug for Jess Anderson's iTunes release Syndrome of Fire with a free tune, plus a Friday show in Nola.