November 29 2010

Show open and lineup preview

The show opens from Lowe Street Studios in downtown Des Moines with a produced intro in which the host introduces himself as Ben (transcript: 'My name is Ben Foost'). The hosts preview the night's lineup: musical guests Candy for Nichols in the studio, the 'Name That Tune: Jesus Edition' game, a discussion of what to do with Christmas, and the non-biblical signs of the apocalypse bit. A comedy rating bit ('on a scale of 1 to 5, if 1 was a platypus and 5 was a snow leopard') frames the episode.

Guest band intro and game contest rules

The hosts introduce Candy for Nichols as the in-studio musical guests and lay out the 'Name That Tune: Jesus Edition' contest: ten secular tunes that contain the word 'Jesus', edited to play only that word, with players guessing title and artist for points. The prize is a mention in the newsletter plus a pin the winner must pick up in person because the show does not pay for shipping. A tangent about winning prizes on WHO talk radio and listening to KWKY follows.

What to do with Christmas and the Santa discussion

• How do you handle Christmas and keep the focus where it needs to be?
• What do you do with Santa?

The hosts preview the 'what to do with Christmas' topic, asking how families keep the focus where it needs to be and what to do with Santa, warning listeners to put the kids to bed first. Mike is discussed as having claimed on the show that Santa was a drunk. The hosts riff on a listener-submitted Skype photo of a Santa who looks drunk-or-sleepy ('whiskey beard Santa'), debate whether he is jolly or in a stupor, and tell a Merle Mall story about a mall Santa who recognized a three-year-old named Shanna out of the blue. The bit closes with the mock-formal moniker 'The Dan'.

Apocalypse teaser, Revelation banter, and the Jesus meter

The hosts preview the non-biblical signs of the apocalypse segment, recalling last week's sign (a man forced to eat his own beard at knifepoint), then riff on the apostle John writing Revelation and being told by God not to write some things down ('Do not add to the book'), imagining him seeing something funny mid-epistle like a pig walking by in the wind. They introduce the running 'Jesus meter' gag — a gauge for how on-topic the show is — and list the band members by name: Nicole, Keith, Sean, Scott, Daniel, and Tracy.

Band interview part 1 and the drunk Santa Skype call

The hosts interview Candy for Nichols: the band is mostly from Indianola, together three years, with Keith joining about a month ago and Scott Ridgway on drums for about a year. A Skype caller phones in the 'drunk Santa' photo and the studio passes the laptop around reacting to it ('tell me that does not look like a drunk Santa'). The band plugs their Wednesday show at House of Bricks with Dark Horse, Syndrome of Fire, and Pilot for Kite, and one host jokes about arm-wrestling Syndrome of Fire's Cassie.

Pieces of My Heart performance and full-commitment discussion

Candy for Nichols performs their original song 'Pieces of My Heart', about wanting to give God all the pieces of one's heart. Afterward the hosts turn the song's theme into a substantive discussion: the hardest step in committing to Christ is the fear of what you will lose — friends, habits, comforts — and the reframe that you do not so much give things up as outgrow them and no longer need them. One host jokes about his 'crazy Uncle Santa who spills vodka on his beard' as an example of things he loves about his life.

Day jobs, Scott the hand model, and commercial improv

Asked what the band does during the day, Scott claims to be a hand model, sparking an extended improv bit about cuticle work, glove modeling, and old-people-medicine commercials (including a riff on the 'so-so' Colonial Penn/AARP commercial woman). The hosts then improvise fake commercials for 'the Utter Bomb', Epsom salts, and crew socks ('wear crew socks, because they breathe'), with Scott acting as corporate shill and his own attorney.

Band interview part 2: demo CD, Facebook, and merch

Back from the break, the hosts recap 'Pieces of My Heart' and ask about studio work: the band's full-length CD is in mixdown with a three-song demo available now ('The Battle Is Won', 'I Try', 'Pieces of My Heart'). A long comedy riff ensues about buying the demo through Facebook ('we will not ship, but we might mail it to you'), Dan's Facebook friending follies with Keith, and Dan selling the band's CDs at live shows.

I Try live performance

Candy for Nichols performs 'I Try', an original about anxiety, falling down and getting up again, and trusting God through the battle. Afterward the hosts note the song is being played and requested on powerplayforall.com through a DJ contact named Misty.

Band interview part 3: radio, big chair, and the band name origin

• How did Candy for Nichols come up with their band name?

The hosts note Mike is sitting in the 'big man's chair' tonight while the usual occupant is out, plug the show's YouTube channel and the 'Tales from the Path' fairy-tale series, and finally get the band-name origin story: three years ago with backup singer Mandy, 'Mandy, Candy, Nicole, Nichols — Candy for Nichols', which 'stuck'. The name is framed as an evangelism conversation-starter ('there's a sweeter way through life... Jesus'), followed by a 'Jesus juice' Michael Jackson joke that derails the show.

Name That Tune: Jesus Edition gameplay

The hosts play all ten 'Name That Tune: Jesus Edition' clips — secular songs edited down to just the word 'Jesus' — twice through, with the studio and chat guessing title and artist off-mic and on paper. One point is awarded per correct title and per correct artist. Dan is introduced as notoriously terrible at secular music, his only prior identified tune being Cher's 'Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves'.

Name That Tune answers, scoring, and Old Testament songwriting

The answers are revealed: 'Free Fallin'' by Tom Petty; 'Jesus Is Just Alright' by the Doobie Brothers; 'One Toke Over the Line' by Brewer (and Shipley); 'Jesus Just Left Chicago' by ZZ Top; 'Spirit in the Sky' by Norman Greenbaum; 'Personal Jesus' by Depeche Mode; the Phil Collins/Genesis tune ('Jesus He Knows Me'); 'Levon' by Elton John; 'Mrs. Robinson' by Simon and Garfunkel; with bonus 'Four Walls of Raiford' by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Dan correctly identifies ZZ Top and Lynyrd Skynyrd; Mike is declared the 'illegitimate winner' amid admitted scorekeeping fraud. The segment closes with banter about writing worship songs with 'bones and skulls', rhyming 'plate of armor', and the Urim and Thummim.

Event promos, We Three Kings, and the drumstick story

The hosts recap the band's upcoming gigs: Wednesday at House of Bricks (doors ~5, $5 cover, four bands) and Saturday at Southridge Mall, plus the 525 East Grand Avenue address. Candy for Nichols performs their 'Thunder Chunk' version of 'We Three Kings'. The band's drummer then tells the story of tossing broken drumsticks to school kids at a school performance and triggering a 22-kid stampede, which the hosts compare to throwing Bibles as a preacher — 'nobody cares'.

Preacher bit, Westboro Baptist, and Need to Breathe stories

• Is it unethical to try to sneak into a concert for free on a Christian radio show?

A comedy riff about preaching: throwing Bibles at crowds gets no reaction while musicians throwing drumsticks cause stampedes, and whether Pastor Dan should throw hush puppies after sermons to grow the crowd ('who died for your sins? ... Jesus'). One host recounts trolling the Westboro Baptist Church website ('God smack!') and jokes about throwing whole Bibles at their rallies ('That's not King James!'). The band's Dan recounts his two Need to Breathe roadie episodes: selling merch, then driving their bus driver to the hotel and to Long John Silver's in a smelly van while the band never emerged.

Osteen and Duplantis, Pathway Church plug, and the Methuselah song challenge

• Who died for your sins?

The hosts riff on watching TV preachers Sunday mornings — Joel Osteen ('I'm great as I am') versus Jesse Duplantis ('got to change some stuff') — with a joke about anointing oil stuck in Osteen's hair. The band plugs Pathway Church in Johnston (meeting at Wallace Elementary, 9:00 and 10:30 services) and invites listeners to show up and say they are sinners. Trailer-unloading duty is compared to an Old Testament Levite thing, and one host challenges Mike to write a song on the spot using the words 'smote', 'Nineveh', and 'Methuselah' for five dollars.

Lifted performance and the Methuselah song payoff

Candy for Nichols performs 'Lifted', a brand-new original about denial, brokenness, and being lifted up, quoting 'Amazing Grace' mid-song. Mike then performs his on-the-spot composition, 'Methuselah Went to Nineveh and God Smote Him' ('that's not really true, but I don't care'), earning the five dollars and a promise it will be a hidden track on the band's album.

Non-biblical signs of the apocalypse

• Is it legal to drink somebody's blood?
• Is flushtracker.com a sign that the end is near?

The full bit: absurd real news stories are presented as possible signs of the end times, with the studio and chat voting 'the end is near' or 'we've got more time' after each. Signs covered: flushtracker.com (a site for tracking your flush on Google Maps, from London's Metro, World Toilet Day edition); a taxidermy piglet piggy bank by Belfast designer Cullen Hart (£2,500); a 59-year-old teacher in Saitama Prefecture, Japan using 'sexual harassment dice' (hug/kiss/snot/forgiven) for classroom punishments; a Bible.com shareholder (James Solakian) suing the board for failing to profit from the domain; jesustoasters.com and its $39.95 Jesus-image toaster; Buffalo Bills receiver Stevie Johnson blaming God on Twitter after dropping a game-winning pass; and two self-described Arizona pagans/vampires (Bob Maley, Amanda Williamson, Aaron Homer) arrested after stabbing their roommate to drink his blood. Tangents include a Glee 'Jesus toast' episode, meeting the band Superchick, and plans for a three-man 'It's a Wonderful Life' Christmas special.

The Jonah joke and sign-off

By chat demand, Mike tells the joke that had been 'banned to the 11 o'clock hour': a little girl counters her teacher's claim that no human could be eaten by a whale with 'what about Jonah?', and when the teacher asks what if Jonah didn't go to heaven, she replies 'then you can ask him.' The hosts sign off thanking Candy for Nichols, recap the Wednesday House of Bricks show ('Mike and Dan and I' will be there), plug livefromthepath.org, the newsletter, the YouTube channel, and the gag 'Dan Hudson for President 2012' Facebook campaign.