2016 Episode 9

Show open from the Pathway Studios

A host opens the show live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper with the standard greeting and a brief word on the evening's weather.

Why nobody calls themselves a shepherd

Andrew Carson announces he has 'pope style' advice about shepherds, kicking off an extended comedy riff: nobody identifies as a shepherd anymore, Google autocomplete suggestions for 'I wanna work as a shepherd' (Disney princess, call boy, 'sheet on my bed'), and a read-through of a careersearch.com page on the shepherding profession, including the line that shepherds are 'paid to keep eye over an investment.'

Deadpool: a host looks away from the screen

A host who saw Deadpool (2016) says the superhero elements were great but the gratuitous content — a strip club scene and a nearly two-minute sex scene — left him disgusted, looking away and wanting to leave the theater; he notes that six months earlier the same content would not have bothered him, which he takes as a sign of where God has him. Another host teases him about being set apart while admitting he watched Risen instead.

Risen: a Bible-meets-CSI take on the resurrection

The host addressed in the audio as Dan reviews the 2016 film Risen: he liked its Roman-soldier perspective — 'Bible meets CSI,' an investigation into the missing body — and never found it unbiblical the way the Noah film was, though he found the portrayal of Jesus different from his own imagination and the post-resurrection disciples implausibly serene where he would picture raw, disoriented joy.

Pope style on shepherding: trust the real Shepherd

• Why do we trust fictional saviors more readily than Jesus, the real Shepherd who saved the world?

Andrew Carson, named on-air and introduced as the 'pope style' advice giver, observes that characters named Shepard across media (Stargate Atlantis's John Shepard, video games, books) are instantly trusted to save the day, and asks why we trust fictional shepherds more readily than Jesus, the real Shepherd who actually saved the world. The hosts extend this into the episode's central parachute metaphor: the kingdom is a parachute that only works if you jump and let it do its job; the opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty; and people fear that jumping means God will change them into something they don't like. Segment closes with the promo tagline 'follow the right shepherd.'

Are churchgoing couples happier? The Institute for Family Studies article

The hosts read and react to an Institute for Family Studies report finding couples who attend worship together — or where only the man attends — report being happier than couples where neither or only the woman attends. They are skeptical of the word 'happy' ('Christians are liars... Jesus's PR people'), question how the study adjusts for demographics, and raise correlation vs causation: settled, socialized men both succeed in marriage and attend church. The article's own caveat is read on-air.

Lau at the homeless camp: checkbox Christians vs. real faith

• What is the difference between real faith in Christ and merely checking the boxes of church attendance?

A host recounts meeting Lau, a man at a homeless camp who had just finished a year-long substance abuse program and known Jesus about a year, whose sister — a churchgoer of ten to fifteen years who works in the church — could not understand his talk of the Holy Spirit convicting him of sin. The hosts use this to draw the episode's contrast between 'checkbox Christians' who attend church without a relationship with Christ and those who have 'jumped off the cliff,' and riff on evangelism vs. shepherding: evangelists describe the parachute, shepherds help people remove the rocks from it, and most people botch evangelism by shepherding non-Christians ('trying to help non-Christians how to be better Christians').

Dear LFTP: 'Lost and lonely' — sent away at 16

• Can 16-year-olds choose where and with whom they live, or should parents make those decisions?

A Dear LFTP letter from 'Lost and lonely,' 29, raised poor on a Southern farm and told she was a 'bad girl'; at 16 she moved 1,000+ miles to live with her 21-year-old boyfriend, and her mother happily drove her to the airport. She asks: can 16-year-olds choose where and with whom they live, or should parents make those decisions? The hosts answer that the mother shirked her parenting responsibility, parents should make those decisions, the writer deserves better than she got, and her mother's opinion does not define her — 'grab the parachute' and 'our god is father to the fatherless.' The Secular answer says she is the daughter of a woman who didn't know how to be a good mother, that her real wound is feeling rejected, and suggests a licensed therapist — the hosts add 'or parachute.'

Dear LFTP: the flatulent boyfriend

• Are all guys this gross and inappropriate, and how can I save my relationship with my immature boyfriend?

A Dear LFTP letter from a high school junior whose three-year boyfriend — affectionate, attentive, good looking — passes gas habitually, including after lovemaking, and thinks it is hilarious; she asks whether all guys are this gross and how to save the relationship. The hosts tell her to end the physical relationship now ('put your legs together,' said by the host addressed in the audio as Dan), calling the boyfriend an immature boy who shows her no respect; they advise breaking up, noting a parachute of better options is available. The Secular answer blames his immaturity and advises an ultimatum; the hosts mock the idea that telling him it's not funny would change anything.

Dear LFTP: the retired paper pusher and social snobbery

• What is an appropriate response to social snobbery toward a retiree who was 'just a paper pusher'?

A Dear LFTP letter from a retired man who is asked 'exactly what was it that you did at xyz corporation?' and watches people walk away when they learn he was 'just a paper pusher'; he asks for an appropriate response to this snobbery. The hosts tell him to stop attending those gatherings or just be himself, noting he undercuts himself by calling his own work unimportant — if he dismisses it, others will too. One host shares that his wife, after fifteen years as a school associate, is treated like a completely different person now that she is an administrative assistant to a principal. The letter closes into the episode's theme of consistency: the Christian life offers 'faithful in the means' — act with integrity regardless of the environment. The Secular answer advises pretending not to remember or joking 'I was the CEO' and walking away; the hosts call it terrible advice.

Dear LFTP: the freeloading vacation couple

• Are we wrong to feel resentful toward friends who freeload on our vacations?

A Dear LFTP letter from a couple married eleven years, financially and emotionally stable, whose newly married friends invite themselves on vacations, assume they are staying in the letter-writers' travel trailer, and never offer gas money or meals; they ask 'are we wrong to feel this way?' The hosts' verdict: you cannot be upset with people you refuse to talk to — assign the meals plainly ('we'll take Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, you take the others') instead of going from passive-aggressive to aggressive, and suspect the letter-writers are shading their story to justify avoiding an honest conversation. The Secular answer advises setting rules retroactively and calling to dictate terms; the hosts mock delivering demands out of nowhere.

Sign-off: faithful in the means

The show closes with its signature benediction: be 'faithful in the means,' do not prescribe the ends — God will handle those.