2016 Episode 8

Show open

A host delivers the show intro from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. Brief musical cold-open lead-in before the first speaker is named.

Karaoke cold open

The hosts trade karaoke stories to open the show: Boova tells how saying he was a DJ in the Philippines got him roped into a company singing competition, then recounts singing a Justin Bieber medley in a Korean-style karaoke bar in Manila at 6:30 in the morning while eating a pig's face. Another host does a Louis Armstrong 'Hello Dolly' impression that degrades into Yoda, and the group covers classic karaoke picks (Dixie Chicken, Delta Dawn, Meat Loaf).

Pope style bit and Vatican riffing

A host delivers a one-sentence drive-by 'Pope style' aphorism ('Don't build walls,' aimed at Trump-era wall talk) with an explicit no-commentary rule, which promptly collapses into a long improvised riff on the Vatican as an all-male organization with old decor, the Pope's robes and hats, and whether the Pope could redecorate. Includes a texted question from a host's wife about a catholicscomehome.org claim that Jesus started the Catholic church.

Show lineup and Dave Herrick's farewell announcement

The host lays out the night's plan (Dear LFTP advice, a quiz) and announces that co-host Dave Herrick is moving to Oklahoma for a job with Voice of the Martyrs, making this his last show living locally. He notes the headlines looked too stupid to bother with, but raises a brief observation about the emptiness of the 'evangelical' label in South Carolina primary polling.

What 'evangelical' means, and faith versus works

• Can someone call themselves a Christian without their life showing it?

The hosts debate the hollowness of self-identified 'evangelical' as a label when voting patterns don't reflect it, arguing that followers of Jesus are recognizable by fruit, not labels. They work through Ephesians 2 ('for by grace you have been saved through faith... for we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works'), insisting the two sentences must not be separated, and connect it to their Revelation study: Jesus says 'I know your deeds' and calls Ephesus to repent and do the works they did at first.

Pope style: the miscarriage post and loving people like Jesus

• How should believers share hard theological truths with grieving people?

Boova shares that a Facebook post wrecked him: friends suffering miscarriages after fertility treatments were told by another commenter that their unborn children are in hell. The hosts condemn leading with condemnation instead of good news, comparing it to Christ's treatment of religious elites versus outsiders ('want mercy not sacrifice,' the root of 'evangelical' being euangelion, good news). One host tells how Romans 7:9 ('I was alive apart from the law... sin sprang to life and I died') changed his view on unborn children the day before his own miscarriage. Boova's actual Pope-style advice lands as a mock threat: 'Shut your mouth or I will shut it.'

Red heifers, Hebrews authorship, and cursed fig trees

An extended improvised comedy riff spirals from a friend's childhood story about a Catholic teacher telling him a child born out of wedlock has no chance at heaven, into speculation about red-heifer temple-rebuilding fundraisers, the authorship of Hebrews ('his name was Unknown... the Greek for unknown is like Bob'), and selling cursed fig tree lawn ornaments. One host describes actually building a paper-mache fig tree and cursing it.

Dear LFTP: the Allison relationship letter

• Should I break up with my girlfriend Allison or transfer schools for her?

The hosts read and answer a letter from an 18-year-old college student in a strained two-year relationship with his girlfriend Allison, who is pressing him to transfer schools. They tell him his suggestion to split up is already his answer ('the man is splitting up with you'), advise against transferring under pressure, mock his work-study excuse for not getting a job, and read the secular answer, which says do not transfer and keep focus on education while suggesting a possible break.

Joke round

Rapid-fire joke telling between letters: Moses making coffee ('he brews it'), a farmer who lost his tractor, the two muffins in the oven, and a chicken that dreams of crossing the road without its motives being questioned. One host's daughter, age five, is credited with the Moses joke.

Dear LFTP: concert ticket reimbursement

• When should I expect reimbursement after buying concert tickets online for friends?

A listener asks when to expect reimbursement after buying concert tickets online for friends: immediately when the charge hits, or when the tickets arrive weeks later. The hosts side with generosity and trust (if you'd sit through a Bon Jovi concert with them, you can float the money), note the meeting point is already set by the concert itself, and read the secular answer: unless immediate repayment was agreed upfront, reimbursement at delivery is appropriate. The discussion devolves into jokes about $150 cash at a Bon Jovi concert and $6 soft pretzels.

Dear LFTP: parents tracking a 26-year-old's phone

• How can I deal with my parents requiring a location-tracking app to stay on the family phone plan?

A 26-year-old grad student in Boston asks how to handle his parents, who keep him on the family phone plan only if he installs a location-tracking app, with the real friction coming on visits home to Georgia when borrowing the car exposes his movements. The hosts say the parents are being unreasonable but the terms are the terms: accept the tracker or get his own plan. They riff on how little privacy an adult needs ('if he's living with integrity'), debate whether the son is hiding something, and read the secular answer, which sides with the parents treating him like a child and suggests a prepaid phone.

Quiz: biblical disease

The hosts take a ten-question multiple-choice quiz on biblical disease. Highlights: they settle on Jesus for the man with the withered hand, leprosy for the ten healed men, guess 'palsy' for the Sabbath healing only to learn the answer is dropsy (Luke 14) despite one host having named dropsy earlier, correctly identify boils (ashes plague), leprosy (four men at the Syrian camp), feet (King Asa), leprosy (Naaman), intestines coming out (Jehoram), an angel stirring the Pool of Bethesda, and the woman healed of a flow of blood. Final score: 9 of 10, 90 percent; the quiz has been taken over 18,000 times since 2003 with a 70 percent average.

Quiz: unusual death

A second thirteen-question quiz on unusual deaths in the Bible. They identify Jezebel (thrown from a window), Peter (crucified, citing John 21), Saul's armor bearer, Sapphira (lied to the Holy Spirit), Eli (fell backwards and broke his neck), Haman (hanged/impaled on the gallows), Ezekiel (God struck his wife as a sign, Ezekiel 24:18), Korah (swallowed by the earth), Uriah (delivered his own death letter), Ahab (random arrow between the armor plates, 1 Kings 22), Asahel (Abner warned him, then struck him with the blunt end of a spear, 2 Samuel 2:22-23), the king of Moab (burnt offering of his son, 2 Kings 3), and Absalom (hair caught in a tree). They read the relevant passages aloud and score 13 of 13, 100 percent, against a 72 percent average.

Dave Herrick's farewell: Voice of the Martyrs

Dave Herrick, explicitly introduced as a guest on his last local show, describes his new web-development job with Voice of the Martyrs (persecution.com) in Oklahoma: telling the stories of persecuted Christians worldwide, supporting widows and families, and aiding refugees. The host endorses the ministry, says the free magazine widened his perspective on his brothers and sisters in the global church and changed how he reads Scripture, and closes with a personal tribute: 'I follow Jesus closer for having known Dave Herrick.' The episode ends with the sign-off 'Be faithful in the means, and God will handle the ends.'