November 23, 2015 Podcast

Show open

The show opens from the Pathway Studios in Johnston with a comedy cold open ('live from the Bathroom' / 'Bathroom Studios in Johnston Proper') and a short call-center gag featuring a character who introduces himself as Timmy.

Greek papyrus fragment listed on eBay

• Is there an upscale, fancy-things-only version of eBay?

The hosts discuss a rare Christian papyrus fragment that was listed on eBay for $99: the 'willowy papyrus' with a few lines of Greek from the Gospel of John (possibly John 1:50-51), an unidentified Christian writing on the other side, drawn from the library of the late theology professor Harold Willoughby (University of Chicago). Bidding was suspended. The discussion riffs on Greek food (pita, lamb, Oikos yogurt, feta) and asks whether an upscale, fancy-things-only eBay exists.

eBay round robin: last thing each person bought

The hosts go around the room asking what each person last bought on eBay: big-man fancy socks, nothing in years, a Bible bought about two months earlier, seasons 1-3 of the Redwall cartoon, never used eBay ('I fear technology'), and an Italian cycling jersey plus a theater popcorn popper and a daughter's signed Phantom of the Opera poster. The show's computer gear was bought on eBay, and targeted ads keep recommending more socks.

Jesus Calling: does God still speak directly?

• Does God still speak to people directly today, or is scripture alone sufficient?

The host reads a critical article about Sarah Young's 'Jesus Calling' (15 million copies sold, Thomas Nelson) and its claim that she receives divine messages. The room debates whether God still speaks to people directly or whether scripture alone is sufficient: listening as part of prayer (Habakkuk 2), biblical examples (Noah, Moses, Jesus praying before choosing the twelve), the article's charges that the book proclaims the Bible's insufficiency and elevates listening to the chief spiritual discipline.

Discerning God's voice: risks, scripture, and the both-and

• How do you tell a genuine 'God told me' from a false one?

Dave Herrick (speaker-5, addressed by name on-air) walks through the risks of 'God told me' claims, including Jeremiah 28's false prophet Hananiah, whose two-year liberation prophecy failed the biblical test (did it come to pass?). The room lands on a both-and: God does personally engage people, but knowledge of scripture is the safeguard against cults and 'wackadoos' ('wackadoo spray' = knowing the scriptures). Includes the Acts 15 Jerusalem-council example, the 'Wackadoo, Texas' search gag, and a joke about the eisenhowerteam.com realty site.

Sponsor thanks and break sign-off

The hosts thank show supporters: Bob Eisenlauer (complaint line namesake), Westfield Veterinary Hospital in Johnston, Jared Roy with On Purpose Promotions, and Valley Services Cleaning. A joke about buying a house in Tanzania and a reassurance that the show is not going away lead into the break.

The donut bit: Bob ate four donuts

Back from break, the hosts accuse Bob of eating four donuts while hiding from one of the studio cameras. The bit becomes 'the Holy Spirit led me to that donut' — a pillar of fire over the donut box — plus crackling snack bags and cheese poofs, ending with thanks to Bob Eisenlauer (transcript: 'Eisenhower') for bringing the snacks.

How Boova got his name

• Where did the nickname Boova come from?

Asked where the name 'Boova' came from, John Boova (speaker-0, self-named in the audio) tells the story: he spotted the name on paperwork at his corporate job, expected it to last a week, and it stuck for years. He recounts telling people in the Philippines he is an 'American radio personality,' the 'John Boova the third' / 'Troy Engeldinger' running gag, and says God used the nickname to work on his ego about getting famous off the show.

Dear LFTP: restroom etiquette with the cleaning crew

• What is the proper etiquette when the cleaning service is cleaning the office restroom?

A listener who works in an office building asks about etiquette when the cleaning service is cleaning the restroom: she goes in anyway if the cleaner is a woman, but waits if it is a man. An in-studio participant (addressed as Andrew) recounts three years as a college custodian cleaning dorm bathrooms, barricading doors with a cart, and hating interruptions. The 'Secular' answer: there is no strict etiquette rule, but a sign is usually posted and a male janitor typically exits a women's restroom; a host adds an electrician-in-a-ladies-bathroom anecdote.

Dear LFTP: the workplace goodbye kiss

• Is a quick goodbye kiss between spouses appropriate in a workplace setting?

A school counselor writes that her administrator husband turned his face away when she tried to give him a quick goodbye kiss after a joint meeting, and asks whether she was out of line. The room debates PDA at work (cameras in hallways, 'the story people will tell'), reads the 'Secular' answer (demonstrations of physical affection are not appropriate at work if others are present; he owes an apology), and riffs on cheek-pecks, Middle Eastern greetings, and food stuck on faces (dried spinach, ranch in a mustache, half a banana held on by a cheek beard).

Dear LFTP: my cat Rosie and the fit neighbor Ron

• What should I do about my cat fixating on the fit neighbor?

A 'Dear Larry' letter from a man whose calico cat Rosie grooms herself for an hour each morning, then watches out the window for the fit neighbor Ron; he feels the cat is being unfaithful and asks what to do. The hosts riff (the cat is having an affair; maybe the wife already left him for Ron; the cat envies Ron because Ron gets to run away). The 'Secular' answer to Larry: Rosie is watching a moving object because the owner is sedentary. The segment seeds a closing gag that one of the hosts might be the 'Ron' in the situation.

Dear LFTP: friends who dislike my boyfriend

• Should I worry that my friends don't like the person I'm dating?

A 25-year-old woman writes that she has been dating a great guy for a year, her friends do not care for him, and asks whether this is a normal part of life or a sign she should reconsider. The room weighs red flags (maybe he is a jerk; maybe she changed since dating him) against catty or jealous friends, with a romantic-comedy 'it takes about an hour fifteen' joke. The 'Secular' answer: relationships ebb and flow; have a frank, honest chat with the friends before reconsidering the friendships.

Closing: friends, Ron, and the complaint line

The show closes with a 'does anybody have any friends?' bit, the payoff of the cat-letter gag — a host tells Ben 'you are not the Ron in this situation' and claims the Ron role for himself — a plug for the show's complaint line, and the sign-off: 'Be faithful means God will handle the ends.'