Clear With A Chance Of Cookies

BP oil spill and political shadiness cold open

• If I believe in an all-knowing, all-powerful God, can I also believe in a form of natural selection?
• Why can't anyone be solid — why does every political candidate seem shady?

The show opens mid-conversation about the BP oil spill: whether the fisherman who lost his boat will be made whole, BP handing out checks on the ground, and a back-and-forth about Barack Obama having received more BP contributions than other candidates. The hosts agree the congressional hearings are political theater and the spill was an industrial accident Congress has nothing to do with.

Shady gas stations and the BP-vs-Cenex bet

The hosts riff on shady BP stations (one supposedly sold underwear from a vending machine) and bet on whether the burned-down station near the racetrack outside Newton was a BP or a Cenex. One host reads a December 28, 2009 news archive on air confirming the BP fire at 2635 Adventureland, Altoona, Iowa, and the text names Altoona Fire Chief Jerry Whetstone as Pants' dad. Someone calls out 'Ben wins' on air.

Childhood trespassing and break-in stories

• Where is the coolest place that you have ever trespassed?

One host asks where the coolest place anyone has trespassed is, and the studio trades confessions: breaking into an iron-on patch shop as a kid and hoarding Dairy Queen patches, trying to steal a door from an abandoned house on the way to St. Louis before the drummer fell through the floor, and checking out a supposedly haunted house in Des Moines while cops came around.

Warm cookies arrive in the studio

Two women arrive mid-show with a plate of warm cookies — described as the show's first visitors — and the hosts photograph them for the Facebook page, joke about whether the cookies are legitimate, and ask the visitors to confess their own trespassing stories.

Guest Danielle Hudson introduced; her KCU cafeteria caper

A host introduces on-air Danielle Hudson, daughter of the esteemed Crush Velvet / Velvet Crush. She confesses that at KCU she and friends snuck into the cafeteria at night to gather ingredients for turning a car into a hot fudge sundae, pleading that she walked in behind the group thinking the door was simply open.

More lawbreaking tales: club revenge, the backwards house, tire slashing

The confessional round continues: breaking into an abandoned amusement park by Otter Creek, sneaking back into a Kansas club at 3 a.m. to throw its plastic chairs in the river after being thrown out, and a prank where the teller and Ben — named in the story — snuck into his mom's ex-husband's house and turned all the furniture to face the walls. Interrupted by Gabe calling a host's cell phone on air and a tire-slashing college story, then a Stevie Ray Vaughan aside.

Music-taste quiz and Christian music history

A host quizzes Daniel — addressed by name on air — on what music he cleans his guns to, sparking a run through 80s Christian contemporary music, the 1990 move to Atlantic with its polka time and lack of radio stations, and distaste for mainstream rock lyrics. Olsen joins the thread from the chat.

Stealing confessions: grandma's money, bottle-breaking, Red Owl ice cream

More confessions: a friend stealing gambling winnings hidden in books by his grandmother, kids breaking beer bottles behind Hy-Vee in Ankeny and spending time in the back of a police car, and the 'I really need Jesus' moment — stealing ice cream bars from the Red Owl Grocery while the Sunday school teacher smiled 'how you doing, Danny?'. Chat callers add nefarious acts like riding double on a moped and Steak Puller's 20 hours of community service for stealing CDs.

Jason's Deli strawberry-shortcake theft and the church pins plea

One host — addressed as 'Mike' on air — confesses three years of swiping strawberry shortcake from the Jason's Deli salad bar by ordering through a neighbor who paid, then confessing to the manager who didn't care. The segment pivots to a plea for listeners to return the church's disappearing pens, described as outreach ministry, not a fill-your-office-drawer ministry.

Work printer theft, green chairs, and the crib-poop saga

• Is it common for toddlers to take off their diapers and poop in the crib?

Confessions escalate from benign to parental: printing books at the work printer, coveting empty office green chairs at Corigliano's and praying for the restaurant's demise, then a long parenting saga — a two-year-old who strips her diaper at nap time and poops in her crib daily, the brown-business-on-the-hand scare that turned out to be cookie, and debates over showers versus jeans as a fix.

The toilet's invention, disliked words, and 'slow jack'

A riff on the invention of the toilet — it presupposes city wastewater infrastructure — gives way to words the hosts dislike (moist, moxie, sass, dolly, tote) and the coinage and on-air definition of 'slow jack': a rigged-up mechanical contraption or simple machine. Then a shindig story about a guy who used small talk as an excuse for a 15-minute lecture on Iowa car-insurance limits.

Ad pet peeves, Big Sur waterbeds, budget cuts, and the office mannequin

The hosts hate local commercials that put scared kids on camera, then improvise an eight-second Big Sur waterbeds jingle for 'Mike Foost' — addressed by name on air — as a joke job pitch. Budget talk follows: giving up cable and satellite, the air freshener bill spiking after Ben's cat-litter comment, and socks with sandals. Daniel — addressed by name — gets roasted for the headless half-bust t-shirt mannequin with defined areolas sitting in the church office next to the BB gun.

Donuts, underwear budgets, and cinnamon-roll economics

Cookies resurface — someone bites one and puts it back — then church-donut sourcing (Hy-Vee, not Casey's), wives' cleaning-supply spending, and a long underwear-budget bit including the Kentucky camo-underwear trip. The hosts mock their own recap — 'trespassing, breaking and entering, stealing' — and discover Holiday Inn Express cinnamon rolls are buyable through Smart Mart, recording an on-air testimonial script ('we here at Life in the Path really love those rolls') to beg for freebies. They also coin 'the dusty' for a come-and-go fountain soda.

Is it okay to work on Sundays?

• Is it okay to work on Sundays, and what should Christians think about Sunday commerce?

Prompted by a host turning down Holiday Inn Express and AT&T jobs over mandatory Sunday shifts, the studio wrestles with the Sabbath: eating out after church while servers work, tipping the Sunday church crowd, and whether Christians should support Sunday commerce. Daniel — addressed by name on air — is asked for his take. The bit detours into ihateben.com, the Jared Roy sticker, and Olsen wearing it at Golden Corral.

Spanking versus time-out and the dinner-table battle

A parenting debate: spanking in public and time-out at home, a dad who made his kids sit in the car during restaurant meals until they behaved, and one host's tonight's battle getting Jaden to eat dinner — putting him in his room, explaining the expectation, and learning you must follow through on consequences without holding a grudge. Holding Santa or an amusement park trip over kids' heads gets mocked.

Sombreros, dancing, and Christian music memories

One host folds an origami sombrero while recounting Googling sombrero images with his daughter, and her botched singing of Cher's 'Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves'. The studio plays a Mexican sombrero song (credited to Joe Cocker) and dances badly on the video feed, then Phil Collins' 'I Can't Dance'. Music talk turns to concerts: Michael W. Smith's first concert, early Amy Grant, Sandy Patty stopping mid-song, Stryper, Farrell and Farrell, and 2nd Chapter of Acts, plus kids who learn 70s rock from Guitar Hero.

White lies to kids, Elmo's agenda, and distrust of cause marketing

• What lies do you tell your kids because it's easier that way?

The hosts trade the lies they tell their kids (the fish 'went home', candy is 'all gone', ants live in drains) and Emma's plan to eat the dogs when they die. One host wouldn't have taken his kids to Sesame Street Live's 'Elmo Goes Green' on principle. Then a skeptical run: the scary Count Chocula box redesign, green politics, the commercialization of breast-cancer-awareness pink, and government radio ads doing parents' jobs — balanced by approval of Obama's point that government shouldn't parent your kids.

Big Sur ad challenge and childhood commercial stardom

The Big Sur waterbeds theme-song thread returns: the studio recalls the old ad guy and challenges 'Mike Foost' — named on air — to write a new Big Sur spot in eight seconds, which he does ('Big Sur, the best waterbeds, that's for sure'). Then childhood ad memories: a carpet-cleaning commercial, a Hungry Hungry Hobo spot, the Diet Pepsi 'You got the right one, baby' tryout at Hy-Vee on Euclid where 'Ben and I' — named in the story — showed up as six-year-old twins in matching blue polos, the Yonkers 'wrap it up' impersonation, and a radio ad for a John's Jewelry Store in Atlantic with Cheryl.

Sign-off and the 'Big John' closing song

The host closes: thanks the chat and video viewers, plugs archive shows at livefromthepath.org, invites listeners to Pathway Church in Johnston, Iowa (meeting at Wallace Elementary, adding a second September service), and gives the email info at lifefromthepath.org. The show signs off with a comedic performance of 'Big John' — the ASR renders the sung 'Big John' as 'Big jump' — about a miner saving twenty men from a collapsing mine.