Series of Firsts

Show open and introductions

The host introduces himself as Ben and notes Mike and Dan are in the studio, with Jared Roy sitting in for Zach until Zach arrives. He previews a packed show with 'a huge list of stuff, both God's stuff and stuff that leads to God's stuff.'

Altoona magazine and dishonest city advertising

• Is Altoona's 'epicenter of racing' claim honest advertising?
• Why do cities and states spend money advertising themselves?

Ben recounts an Altoona Chamber of Commerce magazine picturing NASCAR race cars and calling Altoona the 'epicenter' of horse and NASCAR racing, though no car racing happens there. The hosts debate whether cities need to oversell themselves, riff on Montana skywalk ads and McDonald's reminder advertising, and trade landmark stories about Mount Rushmore, the Grand Canyon, and a Jamaica honeymoon.

Jimmy John's lore and kids learning to read

A slow Jimmy John's delivery driver and a bizarre Jimmy John's commercial lead into a story about a daughter mistaking a Papa John's ad for Jimmy John's pizza. The hosts discuss the age at which kids learn to read and phonics versus word recognition, then move on to the lettuce-wrapped 'unwich' and late-night sandwich delivery.

Scrubs and Hollywood attractiveness

Jared is compared to J.D. from Scrubs, prompting debate over the show's decline and which men the hosts find attractive: Russell Crowe, Matt Damon (trashed for mocking Sarah Palin on a talk show), and Nicolas Cage, whom one host sees in Pants. The chat reportedly 'can't get enough Dan.'

Door-to-door salesmen

A host confesses he will buy anything from door-to-door salesmen, recalling an Amway-style orange-cleaner pitch where the salesman drank the product to prove it was all natural.

The duodenum pronunciation bit

Nobody in the studio can pronounce 'duodenum,' so chat regular Olson looks it up and pastes the definition: the first section of the small intestine, with fish having indistinct divisions. The mispronunciations ('Duwandum') become a running gag.

The owl at the window

A host recounts getting within three feet of an owl through a window at nine in the morning and taunting it with feather-puffing, then worrying about owl memory and retaliation. The crew learns Olson once hit an owl with his car, and a fish with an exposed intestine provides a duodenum callback.

Owl lore, animal encounters, and Brett's bird

• Do owls have a connection with the occult, or are they a death omen?
• Is it illegal to eat owls?

A live owl-nest webcam, dove-versus-owl confusion, and the question of whether owls are demonic or a death omen lead to a group owl-sound reenactment (Mike mimes the irritated owl, Dan supplies the screech). Talk turns to petting pigs, fake owls in the Van Marr parking ramp, and chat member Brett's story of a bird hitting his chest at 55 mph.

Bathroom humor and germs

An extended riff on unisex bathrooms, being blamed for the previous occupant's mess, a Menards restroom encounter with a stranger announcing 'I'm all right,' hand-washing scofflaws, and whether shopping carts are germier than bathrooms.

Shrine circus, Niagara Falls, and Iowa film credits

The hosts compare notes on the Shrine circus (impressive bears on tall bicycles, sad aging acts), trade vacation stories including Niagara Falls, and discuss the Iowa film tax-credit scandal.

Ladies' restroom confessions and the break

The 'owls are dishonest, never do business with owls' callback, a host's willingness to use the women's restroom, the bearded-lady dilemma, a 'Triple Creek' singalong, and the break announcement teeing up live music from Jared Roy, the worship pastor at Pathway Church.

Live music: Jared Roy's first song

Jared Roy, introduced as the worship pastor at Pathway Church in Johnston, performs an original worship song live in the studio ('I'm so tired from walking... this is all that I can say right now'). The hosts plug the church's Sunday services at Wallace Elementary.

Baritone singing and weed stories

Post-break banter about baritone singing ('Surfin' Bird'), childhood music (Sharon, Lois & Bram versus Peter, Paul and Mary), and stories of being offered weed at age ten and in seventh-grade gym class.

Vanilla extract for toothaches

• Does pure vanilla extract deaden toothache nerve pain?

A host swears pure vanilla extract deadens toothache nerve pain, recounting a dentist ordeal where Tylenol with codeine failed, and deputizes the chat to test the remedy ('That's a Mike Foose guarantee. It's worth nothing.'). The segment also covers dental insurance gripes and whether saffron is legal.

Dirty songs and the stick-dragging saga

'Mellow Yellow' and 'It's My Prerogative' are outed as dirty songs, then a long yard-work story: cutting dead bushes, failing to drag a five-foot pile of sticks with a riding mower, then hauling it with the car for Bondurant's free brush pickup. The bit peaks with a mock news desk and the 'fag of sticks' vocabulary joke.

Olson, downtown broker of the year

The crew congratulates chat regular Olson on being named downtown broker of the year and pitches a Skype interview with him.

Iowa Christian Academy's Charlie Brown play

A promo for Iowa Christian Academy's musical 'You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown,' starring Nathaniel Carson, with show dates (Thursday May 13 and Saturday-Sunday May 15-16) and the academy's phone number (221-3999).

Keith Olsen's Register photo and the five-second song

The hosts pull up Keith Olsen's Des Moines Register photo and debate his celebrity lookalike (Brad Pitt? Philip Seymour Hoffman? Patrick Muldoon?). Dan is challenged to write a five-second song about Olsen without using his name; Mike delivers a short rap instead.

The great beard-trust debate

• Should you trust a man with a beard (or without one)?

A sprawling comedy debate over whether beards signal trustworthiness, featuring Ed Snuffin's lunch with Zig Ziglar ('shave your beard'), bearded versus clean-shaven historical figures (Washington, Lincoln, Moses, Pharaoh), and Larry the Cucumber.

Dave Crowder, Scientology, and praying for Eminem

The hosts discuss Dave Crowder's creepy-cool beard and humble early days playing an Ozark youth-leaders convention, joke that everyone looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman, and agree to pray for Tom Cruise and Eminem (Eminem goes on the prayer wall).

Owl sounds, 3-D TV, and Wii Mario Kart

Jared attempts the owl screech, the crew debates how owls sound when hunting and an owl movie in 3-D, then moves to Wii bowling and baseball stances and Mario Kart character picks (Wario).

Old cartoons, Kick-Ass, and Princess Bride night

Old cartoons (Pinocchio, Bugs Bunny) are deemed inappropriate for kids; the hosts can't bring themselves to say the title of 'Kick-Ass' ('Kick donkey'); and the small group plans a Princess Bride watch at Khan's house on Wednesday.

Filtered DVDs, cursing, and Jesus Christ Superstar

• How much do you need to see a movie if you need a filtered version of it?
• Can a movie like Jesus Christ Superstar teach anything true about Jesus?

A substantive discussion: are profanity-filtering DVD players worthwhile, and 'how much do I need to see a movie if I need a filtered version of it?' The question of what counts as cursing leads into Rent and a long appreciation of Jesus Christ Superstar, especially the crown of thorns staged as Christ's coronation and the disciples' ambition, plus a plug for Pathway Church and the show's website.

Unrelated program audio (capture anomaly)

After the sign-off, roughly six minutes of audio from a different program appear in the recording: a country song ('Busted') followed by a woman-hosted talk segment mentioning a website mission statement, a casino gambling update, and Helen's Pajama Party collecting pajamas for women in shelters. This is not Live From The Path content; likely the archive captured another program during the break.

Closing song: 'No, Not One'

The show returns to close with Jared Roy performing the hymn 'No, Not One' live in the studio.