June 27 2011

Show opening and agenda

• Should Christians pledge allegiance and sing the national anthem, or does allegiance belong to Jesus alone?

The produced intro voiceover opens the show. The host introduces himself on air as Ben and runs down the night's agenda: Dear LFTP letters, non-biblical signs of the apocalypse, posting scripture on Facebook, and the Mennonite national-anthem controversy. He notes Mike is expected to arrive later and that Spankenhouser was supposed to join but is absent. Dan is addressed by name while eating dessert.

The Farrar schoolhouse that wouldn't burn

The hosts tell the story of an old poured-concrete school building in Farrar, Iowa they once wanted to buy; the Mennonites bought it outright for cash instead. This becomes the episode's only run-in-with-the-Mennonites story and rolls into a riff on Amish stereotypes, including a story about Amish love of delivery pizza.

Weird prayer cards

• What is the weirdest prayer request you have seen on a prayer card?

Prompted by a Stuff Christians Like article on prayer cards, the hosts discuss the oddest prayer requests they've seen: passive-aggressive marital digs Dan has had to edit as a pastor, a girl praying for a sad kitten, and John Acuff's example of a man who wrote 'my lawn needs mowed' on a prayer card. They debate whether churches should triage requests by perceived significance and admit they rarely submit personal requests themselves.

Riders and government overreach

A tangent grows out of the prayer-card discussion: one host, a Johnston chamber of commerce board member, complains about federal funding strings attached to a local road project, and the hosts riff on legislative riders that bundle unrelated measures into single bills.

Toilet-paper thief blames his brother

• Is the toilet-paper theft a non-biblical sign of the apocalypse?

The non-biblical-signs-of-the-apocalypse game opens with the news story of Roger Pinkham, who stole 20 rolls of toilet paper from Lawrence, Massachusetts City Hall and gave police his brother David's name. The hosts riff on the folded rolls, police ID checks, and being your brother's keeper, and vote that the world gets more time.

'God made him do it' home invasion

• Is the 'God made him do it' home invasion a sign of the apocalypse?

The next story: Levon Sarcassian of Farmington, Connecticut allegedly broke into a home, showered, dressed in a deceased former resident's clothes, and told police God made him do it. The hosts riff on the journalism, his prior Kappa Sigma threats at UConn, and a callback shower-burglary story, and vote more time.

Steak made from human sewage

• Is the human-sewage steak a sign of the apocalypse?

The host reads the story of researcher Mitsuyuki Akira of the Okayama Laboratory developing 'steaks' from proteins extracted from human sewage at Tokyo Sewage's request. The hosts riff on the process (reaction enhancer, 'exploder'), the nutritional breakdown, vegetarianism, and whether the result can spoil, and vote this one the end of the world.

The principal's birthday whammies

• Is the principal's birthday whammy ritual a sign of the apocalypse?

The hosts read about Mount Vernon, Iowa principal Terry Eisenbarth, who apologized for his ritual birthday 'whammies' — ceremonial backside spankings with a cushioned hockey stick. They debate whether the tradition was ever okay, riff on government employees whammying citizens, and vote more time.

Marco gun

• Is the Marco-gun game a sign of the apocalypse?

The story: Ryan Martin and Erica Claiborne of Derry Township, Pennsylvania played a game like Marco Polo with a loaded handgun — she fired when he shouted 'gun' and shot him in the jaw. The hosts riff 'Marco, gun!', one host tells a hotel underwater-fireworks story, and they vote more time.

The 110-year-old light bulb

• Is the 110-year-old light bulb a sign of the apocalypse?

The hosts cover the Livermore, California firehouse bulb burning continuously for 110 years, its festivals, awards, and letter from President George W. Bush. Troy jokes about smashing it with a rock and gets roasted for it, and the group declares Troy's dastardly deeds the end is near.

Signs-of-the-apocalypse recap

The hosts recap the game's stories — the sewage steak and Spankenhouser's violence did them in — and riff on Troy's birthday rhymes before moving to the next topic.

Posting scripture on Facebook

• How should Christians respond when someone posts scripture on Facebook?

The hosts debate the appropriate response when people post Bible verses on Facebook: whether it's preachy self-advertising, whether adding personal context helps, how to handle the theological arguers in the comments, and whether a verse can reach non-Christian friends. Includes a mention of posting a verse when Osama bin Laden died and a riff quoting John 14:6.

Gender-neutral preschool and manhood

Reading about Sweden's Egalia preschool avoiding 'him/her' and addressing kids as 'friends', the hosts debate gender as social construct versus God-given design. The exchange moves through effeminate men in the Bible (Jacob, Moses), stereotypes, Mark Driscoll's direct preaching style, the wage gap, daycare versus at-home parenting, and one-income family economics.

The Mennonite pastor and the national anthem

The host reads most of a Mennonite pastor Mark Schloenegger's essay on why Goshen College stopped playing the national anthem, rooted in Anabaptist nonresistance and allegiance to Christ alone. The hosts push back gently, land on Jesus on the throne with country underneath, and one host recounts welling up at a color-guard ceremony during a National History Day trip to D.C.

Dear LFTP: should she move in with him?

• Should she move in with her boyfriend given his chaotic, unscheduled household?

The hosts read a Dear LFTP letter from a woman whose boyfriend wants her and her seven-year-old to move into his chaotic, unscheduled household. They advise firmly against moving in without marriage — 'I'd dump the guy' — and frame him as on 'the me path' from a Sunday sermon.

Dear LFTP: the fake-ID silent partner

• Should a 20-year-old become a silent partner in a fake ID production shop?

A 20-year-old asks about becoming a silent partner in a fake ID production shop. The hosts mock the scheme — you can't report a silent-partner theft to police — one host tells of his dad getting paid in confiscated fake IDs as a bouncer, and the reader relays the columnist's actual answer: it's a felony, and read Rich Dad, Poor Dad instead.

Dear LFTP: successful but empty

• How can she have it all yet have nothing?

A 28-year-old successful professional woman writes that she has it all yet feels empty and 40 years old. The hosts discuss priorities and community versus career, relay the columnist's 'rethink your priorities' answer, and close the segment with a mention of an unused letter about abused husbands.

Spirit Midwest Music Festival promo

The hosts promote their upcoming live broadcast from the Spirit Midwest Music Festival the first weekend in August, mention approved staff credentials and lanyards, and name-drop hammered-dulcimer player Ted Yoder and Jeremy Willett of the band Willett as upcoming interview subjects.

Closing banter and Willett outro

The show closes with rhyming banter ('broke as a joke'), a joke about Troy's eyesight and health insurance, a note on rising connect-card responses, and the episode plays out with music from Willett, who will be at the Spirit Midwest festival.