You Can Buy Me Phalanges

Show open and cocaine cat riff

The show opens live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper with the full on-air crew plus a friend who stopped by. A bit about a 'cocaine cat' — an expensive, un-wrangleable cat with an eight-ball-a-week habit — becomes the cold-open comedy.

Show rundown: Ask the Pastor tease and 'Is Boova an idiot?'

Ben (speaker-1, addressed as 'Ben' by speaker-2 at seg-00126) sets the docket: Boova has an Ask the Pastor about the Judas kiss, and the room opens a running vote on whether Boova is a schmuck for a story he wants to run by the crowd. The Bob Eisenlauer complaint line (515) 517-0085 is announced, and Ben's friend Will stops by the studio.

Boova's dilemma: secret kindness versus wanting validation

• Should Boova tell the person about the kind act he did so they feel loved, or stay quiet to avoid seeking validation?

Boova (speaker-2, addressed as 'Buva' at seg-00011 and 'Bubba' at seg-00539) describes doing a kind act — washing a car, filling the washer fluid and gas for someone — that went completely unnoticed, and asks whether telling them would be loving (so they feel the love) or selfish validation-seeking. The hosts land on: live a life of quiet service and people will notice; Ben shares how his family asks 'is there anything you did for me that I did not notice,' Dan warns against demanding credit, and the room jokes about a code word ('plot plot fizz fizz,' from an Alka-Seltzer ad) and doing 95 percent of a job so someone notices the rest.

Favorite old-time game shows

• What is your favorite old-time game show?

The hosts name favorite vintage game shows — Press Your Luck ('go whammy, go whammy, stop'), Match Game, and Hollywood Squares, where 'circle gets the square' came from — plus Boova's bit about the fastest-growing internet game show, Secular versus Song.

News: Catholic church bulletin ad recruiting a 'militia'

Ben (speaker-1, addressed as 'Ben' at seg-00126) reads a Christian Post story: Ascension Catholic Church in Chesterfield, Missouri apologized after its June 16 bulletin ran an ad recruiting men 18-29 to join a group called the 'legion of Saint Alana' to protect the holy Eucharist, congregation, clergy, and grounds. The room riffs on 'church security' versus 'militia,' the legion of 'sacred wool,' and Carl and Beasy types showing up with AR-15s. A side thread works out that 'Eucharist' comes from the Greek word for thanksgiving via French.

Follow-up: pastor who had inappropriate contact with a child resigns

Ben (speaker-1) updates a story from the prior week: the pastor who had inappropriate contact with a young woman has resigned. The hosts note the elders' claim that they were told the severity was much lower ('she was 12'), framing it as a failure to protect the victim rather than restore the committer. Sensitive content: child sexual abuse by a pastor.

Big lie 1: you shouldn't bother God with your struggles

• Are you guilty of the seven big lies that Christians believe?

Ben (speaker-1) reads the first item from a 'seven big lies that Christians believe' list: that you shouldn't tell God your struggles or doubts. The room rejects it — scripture (the hairs-on-your-head count, Jesus welcoming little children) shows God is not boxed in by human worries, and these are lies told by people, never by scripture.

Big lie 2: your behavior affects how much God loves you

The second lie — that God loves the holier person more — is rejected, but the hosts split love from approval and obedience. Dan (speaker-3, addressed as 'Dan' at seg-00370) argues God always loved Israel without always approving of Israel; Ben presses the 'well done, good and faithful servant' picture and asks whether he could look his kids in the eye at any moment and say 'I am proud of you' (no — but the person, yes), while Mike (speaker-0, named at seg-00104 and seg-00250) notes love is a verb with fruit.

Big lie 3: church leadership is only for the super holy

The third lie — that pastors and leaders are the top 1 percent of holy souls — is rejected: people in ministry are just saying yes to God's invitations, and Bible heroes from Moses to David went from serious failure to leadership and back again. Dan adds that leaders are judged differently, which is a responsibility distinction, not a holiness hierarchy. Comedy: Will is asked for a 'super holy person' and answers 'Troy Aikman, the quarterback.'

Big lie 4: the Bible is only a rule book

The hosts skip the write-up of the fourth lie as too thin, and instead recommend the Bible Project's podcast series on how to think about the Bible — they read scripture correctly rather than resisting it to avoid being bound by it.

Big lie 5: church isn't important, and what counts as church?

• Does hanging out with friends at a kid's ballgame count as church?

The fifth lie — that church is optional if you have a personal relationship with God — sparks the episode's longest discussion. Ben (speaker-1) asks Dan (speaker-3, addressed as 'Dan' at seg-00370) directly: if people commune, pray, and share struggles at a kid's ballgame, is that church? Dan answers that church is the community on mission, not a Sunday event; Ben adds that the early church still gathered intentionally with teaching, preaching, and the Lord's Supper (Paul correcting Corinth). They warn that declining attendance without compensating scripture, prayer, and worship is producing biblical illiteracy, and that parents trade kids' formation for the ballgame at a cost.

Rapid-fire: does God teach lessons, and is money evil?

• Does God use his power to teach people a lesson?
• Is money pure evil?

With forty minutes burned, the hosts rapid-fire the last two list items: yes, God lets sin's consequences fall for repentance (the 'angel tussle in Daniel' aside), and no, money is not pure evil.

Ask the Pastor: why did the temple guards need Judas to kiss Jesus?

• Why did the temple guards need Judas to identify Jesus with a kiss?

Boova (speaker-2, handed the Ask the Pastor at seg-00011) asks why, if Jesus was a public figure with priests plotting at Caiaphas's house, anyone needed Judas to point him out. The hosts land on several answers: it was the temple guards — blue-collar men with torches at night, not the priests — who wouldn't recognize a normal-looking Galilean in a crowd; it's dark, faces are hard to make out; and Judas's kiss is a legal finger-pointing, a witness affirming 'yes, this is the man,' which also fulfills prophecy.

Dear LFTP: the disappointed grandpa and his estate

• Should the disappointed grandpa tell his family he is donating his estate to charity?

Mike (speaker-0, named at seg-00104 and seg-00250) reads the 'Disappointed grandpa' letter: a retired grandpa whose 50-year-old daughter 'hitched her wagon to an alky' and whose grandsons are scattered, lazy adults; convinced his home and possessions are their planned retirement, he has decided to donate his estate to charity (Pathway Church) and asks whether to tell them now or surprise them after the funeral. The hosts judge the letter self-centered — he reads the family as valuing only his money, which reveals what he values — and advise investing in the relationships with low expectations rather than managing the money. The Secular answer ('Zacula says') advises putting everything in writing with a lawyer and letting the lawyer serve as the buffer.

Dear LFTP: the man who wants her hand but not a relationship

• Is the man who wants to hold her hand but won't date her playing hard to get?

Mike (speaker-0) reads the second letter: a 54-year-old woman met a man who asked her to coffee, then said he isn't marriage- or dating-minded — and then asked to hold her hand. She feels drawn to him and wonders if he's playing hard to get. The hosts are unanimous: he is sending the most straightforward message possible — 'I want the perks with none of the commitment' — and she should run, find good married lady friends to speak into her life, and stop mistaking male straightforwardness for mystery. The Secular answer: he isn't sending mixed messages at all. Comedy peak: 'he wants to hold some phalanges while he's drinking some coffee.'

Sign-off: emojis, business fish, and Will the sickle

The hosts close by asking listeners to text the complaint line (515) 517-0085 with their favorite emoji, thank Will 'the sickle' for stopping by, and sign off: 'Good form may prevail... be faithful to the means. God will handle the ends.'