Bring Your Purse to Brunch

Show open, complaint line, and misplaced-justice stories

• Have you ever tried to execute some sort of justice and been wrong about it?

Boova opens with a story about hugging Mike when Mike laughs at his expense ("heaping coal on my enemies," Romans 12:20), then Mike shares his daughter's dorky slang "nick a cig" for a cigarette. Ben plugs the Bob Eisenlauer complaint line (515) 517-0085 with a question: have you ever tried to execute justice and been wrong? Boova tells of confronting a high-schooler based on a girl's fabricated story, and Ben tells of a date who lied about having breast cancer, plus a story about his seven-year-old asking to "get a hit off that Coke" (a spiced Coke).

The "baby girl" article: reading the New York Post piece

• Is "toxic masculinity" a fair or useful category for describing men?

Ben reads a New York Post article claiming women, especially Gen Z, are loving men who embrace the "baby girl" vibe and ditch toxic masculinity. He reads the definition: a baby-girl man comes across as sweet, charming, a bit bashful, in touch with his feminine side, ready to talk about feelings or carry a purse to brunch. The room reacts with disbelief and begins working through the article's claims.

Pushing back on "toxic masculinity" as a category

Ben argues from a biblical worldview that "toxic masculinity" is a bogus rendering of reality: the vast majority of men work hard, provide for families, and do the body-wearing labor (trades, combat, oil rigs) that keeps society running. He notes God is called "helper" (a description shared with Eve) and pictured as a mother hen gathering her brood, so traits are not rigidly gendered; protection is righteous whether a "mama bear" or a father does it.

Women thriving under biblical gender roles: "I love the patriarchy"

Boova observes that the women he knows who are content in biblical gender roles are around men they can trust — men following Jesus. His wife says "I love the patriarchy" because she never worries about safety and is practically served. He adds that many women who distrust men have been hurt by them (including sexual abuse), and that domineering women are often reacting to untrustworthy men — the problem is men who don't follow Jesus, not masculinity itself.

Emotional expressiveness and the "sturdy oak" caricature

• How emotionally expressive should men be, and with whom?

Mike argues the baby-girl ideal is shallow: when the water bill is due you need a partner present in the conversation, not a bashful smile. Ben says most men's wives know exactly what they're feeling — emotional openness is real but expressed to a small trusted circle, because vulnerability can be weaponized. Boova adds that reacting against the "sturdy oak" who stuffs everything down doesn't make the opposite extreme right.

Don't cartoon people: greatest strength, greatest weakness

Ben cautions against making anyone a cartoon from one characteristic: every person's greatest quality comes with a backside of weakness. A father's sturdiness that never produced heart-to-hearts also kept food on the table and danger out of the front yard. He urges caution in mischaracterizing others from an incomplete picture of their motivations and costs.

Gen Z is young; "find Jesus" as the model of manhood

Boova predicts Gen Z's baby-girl preference will change within five to ten years as they mature, then offers the positive standard: "if you want a characterization of what a man should be, find Jesus" — sacrificial, compassionate, merciful, focused on others rather than self. Look for men trying to look and smell like Jesus.

Needing your spouse and the irony of rigid gender boxes

Ben says he has no problem saying "I need my wife" — mutual dependence is a sign of maturity, not weakness, and independence alone is not altruistic. He argues the primary defenders of rigid gender boxes are people justifying gender fluidity, since only rigid boxes let you describe "expressing" as one gender or another. Boova adds King David: a warrior with mighty men who also ripped his clothes and lay on the floor praying in brokenness and wrote anguished poetry — you can't paint him with one brush.

"True self," personality boxes, and the privilege of the critique

Mike questions the "find your true self" premise — what if your true self is emotionally withdrawn, or bad at finding itself? Ben notes personality quizzes all land on a handful of types, so difference is real but not mysterious. Mike argues the critique is extreme privilege: you only get to not need toughness because someone else is doing the tough jobs (the police officer stopping the intruder, the mechanic, the man who handcuffs "Brutus").

The men who laid the roads aren't the baby-girl examples

Boova says the baby-girl exemplars (Timothée Chalamet types) are not the men who laid the concrete roads or built the electrical grid the critics use to post their takes — a misunderstanding of reality versus the Fred-Flintstone-plus-Al-Bundy caricature. Ben agrees media hasn't helped: men have apologized for cartoon versions of themselves they never actually were.

Trades, desk-job emptiness, and rejecting the premise

Ben says he mostly sees Jesus-following men carrying heavy burdens to serve wives and children, not schmucks. He reflects on men happily doing unglamorous work for forty years for a decent truck, and on his own desk job feeling unfulfilling — praying for work that creates more value. He closes the article discussion: reject the premise of "toxic masculinity," acknowledge toxic people of any gender, and be cautious about language changes — dress norms (Roman togas, Levi's) are cultural.

Chalamet-vs-Mike comedy, wallowing, and a women's-perspective request

Mike jokes that bashful looks attractive on Timothée Chalamet but wouldn't on him — the article prescribes to a whole gender what only beautiful people get away with. The room lands on a distinction: emotional availability is not cyclically wallowing in resolved hurts. Boova asks women listeners to text or call the complaint line with their perspective, noting callers reach voicemail, not Ben, Mike, Dan, or Boova directly.

Dan's Vivaldi concert: the effeminate man in the skirt

Dan tells of a Symphony Candlelight Vivaldi concert where the man in front of him wore a skirt and was "the most effeminate man" — with a girl, both having a great time. Dan admits he wanted to slap him, Ben dubs it "toxic danitidine," and Dan clarifies he was actually praying for the couple the whole time; the two couples just want different things.

Dear LFTP: the husband who showers affection on the dog instead of his wife

• My husband gives his new dog affection instead of me — what should I do?

Mike reads a letter from a wife of nearly twenty years: her husband gives no physical affection but showers love on their new dog, and she's turning cold toward the marriage. The hosts say the dog didn't cause it — something changed ~18 months ago — and note men rarely withhold intimacy without a reason (shame, trouble in that area, or an affair). Secular's answer: get the husband to licensed marriage therapy or, failing that, gather asset information and contact an attorney — a five-step divorce plan the room calls a ridiculous overreaction.

Dear LFTP: boyfriend's mom restricting visits, plus outro

• How do I talk to my boyfriend's mother about restricting our visits without seeming disrespectful?

Mike reads a letter from a young woman whose college boyfriend's mom restricts visits to "too often" (she pays her own train fare). The hosts say the real issue is the boyfriend letting his mom run the relationship — an 18-year-old in college answers for himself, and mom controls her money, not their lives. Secular's answer: the boyfriend should talk to his mom. Boova jokes about "BUVA's ebook: how to get divorced quickly," Ben plugs the Bob Eisenlauer complaint line, and the show closes with the standing benediction.