Jesus Blocked the Jukebox

Show open, Woke or Toke setup, and docket tease

• Is it possible that the Lord is handing out cell phone numbers to strangers?

A host opens from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper and sets the evening's docket: a new round of the game Woke or Toke, in which Boova provides a name and the room guesses whether it is a new-age church or a weed shop, plus the tease of a story about whether the Lord hands out cell phone numbers to strangers. A brief exchange about the censor button establishes that Ben edits the podcast.

Not rushing prayer and Bible reading

• How do you keep from rushing through prayer and Bible reading?

A long host discussion on slowing down with God: one host cut music from his forty-minute commute so he would stop rushing prayer to get to the tunes, and the room lands on the line that holiness does not come from hurry. They contrast soaking in two verses with plowing through chapters to feel holy, share a psalm-a-day practice, and reflect on reading Job in The Message — God's answer being essentially ‘remember who you are dealing with’ — and on praying less as the linchpin and more to see God already moving. Ends with the Bob Eisenlauer complaint-line number.

New Year self-control confessions

Comedy round on failed resolutions: Nathaniel confesses to doubling down on gas-station convenience food instead of quitting it, surrenders his wallet to his wife, and deletes Apple Pay from his phone. Another host describes a buy-nothing-until-June pledge broken by earbud foam tips he does not remember ordering, and a third host recounts nearly ordering a whole Perkins peanut-butter-silk pie on Uber Eats and hiding ice cream from his gracious wife Gianna. The room lands on cutting off the source rather than trusting willpower.

Pickup-put-down and the husband pillow

One host explains his ‘pickup, put down’ monthly habit — pick something up and put something down each month, January being sit-ups for soda — before the room derails into the backrest ‘husband pillow,’ which one host admits he has ‘been inappropriate with,’ prompting calls to burn the husband pillow at Ben's house. Ends with a listener-style resolution to use more Band-Aids and say no to pie.

Woke or Toke: new-age church or weed shop

Boova (speaker-2) hosts a full round of Woke or Toke, providing names for Ben, Mike, and Nathaniel to classify as new-age church or weed shop: Access (woke), Holy Smokes (woke, Edgewood, New Mexico), The High Road (toke), The Portal (woke), One Love (woke), Spirit Fire (woke), Higher Ground (toke), Fresh (woke), Lifted Spirits (toke), and High Society (toke). The game sparks a critique of clever church branding — imagining the apostle Paul walking into a Hebrews coffee shop — and a roast of the Holy Smokes pastors' staged photo, whose guitarist resembles Roseanne and is also named Mike.

Trey's anonymous 5:30 a.m. Jesus texts

Boova (speaker-2) tells how his brother Trey, newly sober and on a brand-new phone number, began waking to long encouraging Jesus-centered text messages every morning at 5:30 from a number nobody recognizes. Trey assumed the sender was Boova's wife Gianna; told it is not, and told not to investigate or reply lest the messages stop, he is left marveling that he cannot outrun God. The host offers to keep a morning text thread going if the messages ever stop.

Dear LFTP: friend's boyfriend hides $55,000 in credit card debt

• What fair, honest advice should I share with my friend whose boyfriend hides $55,000 in credit card debt?

A listener asks what fair, honest advice to give a friend whose live-in boyfriend of two years hides $55,000 in credit card debt, contributes little, and spends on alcohol and vaping. The hosts advise she deserves better and should get out, theorize the debt smells like sports betting rather than mere alcohol and vape spending, and land on ‘picking up vaping, putting down my vaping-and-drinking boyfriend.’ Secular's answer says wait to be asked before offering advice; the hosts rebut that you still say the thing, like Jesus leaving the ninety-nine for the one.

Dear LFTP: the five-foot wind chimes

• How should I approach my neighbors about their five-foot wind chimes?

A listener in a quiet, densely populated neighborhood asks how to approach neighbors whose five-foot wind chimes clang constantly. The hosts riff on anonymous letters signed ‘Sincerely, butthead,’ a cornhole-board neighborhood vote, out-chiming the neighbor with an eight-foot ‘Big Ben,’ lawn-gnome escalation, fake HOA notices, and magnetizing the chimes into ‘wind thunks,’ before landing on the real answer: decide whether it is worth any hassle, since you have lived with it two years. Secular's answer — research noise ordinances, knock with a gift of smaller chimes, then pursue legal means — is mocked as a recipe for becoming a viral ‘Karen.’

Dear LFTP: blended-family chores standoff

• Am I wrong to defend my son in the chores conflict with my new husband?

A newly married listener asks whether she is wrong to defend her nineteen-year-old son, who works full time and studies part time, against her new husband's expectation that he do more chores. The hosts side with the husband: the son is not earning his way out of household responsibility, and the mother is creating a you-and-your-son versus your-husband team. Secular's answer proposes a three-adult chore rotation agreement, which the hosts doubt a nineteen-year-old will negotiate in good faith.

Outro: podcast apps, other podcasts, benediction

The hosts compare where they listen — Boova on Player FM, another on Apple Podcasts, another on Amazon — and trade other podcasts they follow: Time Suck by Dan Cummins, Dave Ramsey, the Bible Project with Tim Mackie, and NPR's Radio Lab. The show closes with the standing benediction: be faithful in the means, God will handle the ends.