February 1 2011

Show open — final night on Des Moines Amplified

The produced intro plays ('Live, from Oak Street Studios, downtown Des Moines'), then the hosts open the show noting it is the final broadcast on Des MoinesAmplified.com. A host introduces himself on-air as Ben Foost and notes the studio feels empty compared to last week's crowded show. Banter about nailing the 'final countdown' lead-in.

Syndrome of Fire recap and record deal

The hosts recap last week's in-studio guests Syndrome of Fire, praising them as musicians and as people walking with the Lord. They note the band signed a record deal this week and is booking summer shows. A text from Danielle: she is a fan of their song 'Fast Train'.

Hair and haircuts comedy

• Do hair regrowth treatments actually work?

Extended comedy riff on thinning hair, cutting your own hair for ten years, comb-overs, and hairstylist small talk. One bit imagines unloading on a stylist like a cheap psychologist; Dan is addressed by name during the segment. The chat is asked whether hair regrowth treatments, spray-ons, or toupees actually work.

Old songs and movie soundtracks

The hosts discuss songs they disliked on release but rock out to fifteen years later, and the dream of scoring motion pictures with only about fifteen go-to tunes. 'Walking on Sunshine' is named as the song nearly every movie plays over the happy ending. A beatbox-and-flute YouTube video favorited on the show's channel is mentioned.

Moving to livefromthepath.org; Troy Ungerdinger tonight

The show announces that starting next week it leaves Des Moines Amplified and will broadcast live from livefromthepath.org, joking 'go as you go, make disciples and watch Live from the Path — that's the Matthew 28 thing.' Richard Nixon is joked about as a guest, and Troy Ungerdinger is announced as coming on the show tonight.

The Doritos-smelling towel

A host tells of giving his daughters a bath, then grabbing a reused towel that inexplicably smelled like Doritos and checking it for orange marks. The bit spirals into Doritos-scented soap, Pert Plus, and Gillette.

Snack food confessions

• Is there a food you used to love that you no longer enjoy?

A long chat-driven riff on foods: full-strength cheese puffs from Casey's, milk toast as Depression-era survival food, corn nuts effectively banned by marriage, Burger King French toast sticks, gas-station NeMo's cakes, and Chuck Wagons. Gas-station food evolution: QuikTrip and Casey's do ready food right, Kum & Go ('Come and Go') does not, and Highland potato chips are terrible.

Pants sighting and Best of Des Moines voting

Pants is noted as a Chuck Wagon fan who was hiding in the studio corner two weeks ago. City View's Best of Des Moines survey is out; listeners are urged to write in Live from the Path as radio show via a link to be posted at dmcityview.com. Riff on survey-takers naming hole-in-the-wall restaurants while the hosts' honest favorite is Long John's.

Pizza nostalgia: Rocky Rococo, Shakey's, Showbiz Pizza

A story about a 'Rock Pizza' guy on Southwest 9th who turned out to be deeply religious leads into nostalgia for the defunct Rocky Rococo drive-thru on East 14th; the hosts play the Rocky Rococo theme song found at RockyRococo.com. Mean Gene Okerlund's bowling-alley pizza franchise and a band gig in Cherokee, Iowa are recalled. Then a 1982 Showbiz Pizza commercial plays, sparking memories of the Rock-afire Explosion animatronics and a plan to build a waving animatronic guy for the Ministry Center.

Roomba dreams and dogs as dishwashers

The hosts fantasize about a Roomba for the Ministry Center — naming it Steven, wondering how it behaves in an open field, treating it like a dog. Dogs are praised as the ultimate pre-rinse for dropped food: 'Dad's got cheese and pepperoni from a piece of pizza on the floor.'

February lineup and Pathway Church invite

The move to livefromthepath.org is repeated with a newsletter signup plug; February guests are announced: local musician Kurt Loving on the 14th, On This Rock on the 21st, Eyes Wide Open on the 28th. Jess and Jordan Anderson will be at Pulse's Girls' Night Out and at Pathway Church (Wallace Elementary, Johnston; 9 and 10:30 services) on Sunday; listeners seeking a church home or a relationship with Jesus Christ are invited.

The Jesus juke: honesty over performance in sharing faith

• Am I wrong to be irritated by constant Jesus posts on Facebook?

Prompted by Jon Acuff's stuffchristianslike.net post on the 'Jesus juke,' the hosts discuss believers who drop showy Jesus bombs into conversation — the voicemail 'you are my sunshine' answered with 'the only sunshine I have is Jesus Christ' — and deleting such posters from Facebook. They argue genuine faith is recognizable by humility, cite Matthew 28 ('as you go make disciples') and the 'received your reward in full' warning against phony piety, and allow that sometimes it is just clumsy believers doing what they were taught. A host asks whether he is wrong to be irritated by daily Bible-verse posts.

Facebook annoyances and The Dan fan page

The hosts mock daily 'welcome to Tuesday' announcers, song-lyric posters, and impersonal work-anniversary balloon emails. On air they create 'The Dan' Facebook fan page (public figure category) and urge listeners to friend it. Matt Cassidy is praised as an adequate Facebook user whose show picked up a sponsor; 'Dan the Man McCann' of York, Nebraska is discovered on Facebook.

Cowgirl Snakeowits and the Nutcracker feud

Stacey's New Year's resolution — friend a same-named person on Facebook — is judged a win with Stacey Hardikoff. A host's 3-year-old daughter names herself 'Cowgirl Snakeowits' in a Southern accent while playing cowboys. The 3-year-old then feuded for about three weeks with Ben's 4-year-old daughter Emma over whether Emma knows the musical The Nutcracker (the 3-year-old insists Grace is the one who knows it); Emma also reports that Grace does not listen to her mommy. Jokes about homeschool closets and signing off as 'Life in the Pan, Snikowitz' follow.

Beatbox flute man and YouTube growth

With the night's guest not yet arrived at 11 and the show ending early at 11:30, the hosts note their YouTube channel is nearing 10,000 views (up from 2,000 in November) on the strength of guest videos — 'Dan the Dunce' is a classic, 'Caps for Sale' is oddly hot, 'Jack and the Beanstalk' lags. They hunt down the favorited beatbox flute man video — an unnamed flutist playing the Inspector Gadget theme in a hotel room — and react to his creepy stare.

Hocus Pocus video and Troy's arrival

The hosts watch Focus's 'Hocus Pocus' video — the long instrumental with the operatic yodel part — joking the wild-eyed flutist looks like Steve Hardikoff and wondering if he is a non-biblical sign of the apocalypse. Mike leaves to dig the guest's car out of the snow; Troy Ungerdinger arrives ('dressed as a Yeddy,' a mountain beast) and is welcomed in.

Apocalypse game, story 1: church brawl in Fletcher, NC

• Is it the church leader's responsibility to leave when the division is illegitimate?
• Is this news story a non-biblical sign of the apocalypse, or just people being people?

Troy joins as the game rules are set: the chat votes whether each story is a non-biblical sign of the end times or just people being people. Story 1: about 30 officers from five agencies broke up fistfights at Greater New Zion Baptist Church in Fletcher, NC over the ouster of Reverend Lavon Urey. The hosts reenact the escalation ('Let's vote to reinstate Bob') and debate whether an illegitimate division obligates the leader to leave, citing Paul and Mark's split and 'rather be wronged.' Verdict: just people being people — 'there's church fights in the Lord's Word.' Troy's Valentine's Day Facebook saga (Preston 'Tony' Bieber, Castellina, Patty) interrupts the game.

Apocalypse game, story 2: the door-urinating professor

Story 2: 43-year-old CSUN math professor Timur Petrov charged with two misdemeanor counts of urinating on a colleague's door, caught on camera. The hosts debate what counts as 'twice,' how one identifies suspected urine, and what dispute could drive a professor to this. Verdict: the end is near. The story turns heavy: a host reflects that Jesus loves 'this dude' and died for him — 'He loves Dan. He loves Troy. He loves Ben' — just the same.

Apocalypse game, story 3: the drug catapult

Story 3 (dateline Phoenix): Mexican smugglers built a metal-framed catapult to hurl 45 pounds of marijuana over the Arizona border; the Mexican military seized it. The hosts riff on auctioning the catapult, using it as a border theme park ride, and the contractor who built it on a drug runner's promise. Verdict: just people being people — 'general stupidity,' impressive but not the end times.

Apocalypse game, story 4: the library condiment bandit

Story 4: Boise's Ada County Community Library closed the book on a two-year string of condiment attacks on its book drop — 75-year-old Joy Cassidy pleaded guilty after 10+ attacks with ketchup, maple syrup, and mayonnaise, sentenced to a month in jail and two years' no contact with area libraries. The hosts imagine the police stakeout ('hey, hey, Phil, look, she's here'), debate dementia vs. vindictiveness, and conclude all the apocalypse stories boil down to poor conflict resolution. Verdict: just people being people.

Apocalypse game, story 5: the insulting mynah bird

Story 5 (via weirdasiannews.com): Taiwanese electrician Wang Han Chin tried to sue five neighbors for training their mynah bird to call him a 'clueless, big-mouthed idiot' every morning, claiming the distress caused a work injury. The hosts play a mynah bird video and debate whether the bird insults only him or he is mishearing it. Verdict: just people being people. The game closes with the 'he's got the power' sting.

Sign-off: final night on Des Moines Amplified

Post-game banter — Ben would fit in a catapult, an email from 'Jose' reading 'do this or I'll kill you.' The hosts sign off the final Des Moines Amplified broadcast, thanking listeners and pointing them to livefromthepath.org next Monday night from the new studio, plus the newsletter, the YouTube channel, and 'Mike's Facebook daily with the scripture.'