Advice Only

Show open and apology for last week's technical failure

A host opens the show from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper and apologizes that the previous week's episode cut off after thirty-eight minutes due to a technical failure, noting the Silversyde guests were great and they will be brought back. The hosts joke about maintaining the studio equipment like a barn cat, then pivot to the episode's advice-only format after one host admits he lost the article he meant to discuss.

Dear LFTP: family keeps offloading unwanted stuff

• How do I stop family from offloading their unwanted stuff on me?

A listener writes that family members keep giving her unwanted discards like a toaster oven full of burnt breadcrumbs, half-used shampoo, and a used loofah, and they won't stop despite hints. The hosts advise being firm and direct rather than subtle, joke about making it a prank by returning the items, and debate whether giving junk to the homeless is actually helpful. A long tangent on Facebook Marketplace horror stories follows: a lowballer who no-shows, a keyboard purchase, one host's sketchy trailer-court dumbbell pickup, and a vehicle with a hidden coolant leak that ends with a burning car under a Trader Joe's bag. The Secular answer is read: arrange for the family to discard the items themselves.

Dear LFTP: strangers fixating on our four-year-old daughter's beauty

• How should we handle strangers fixating on our young daughter's beauty?

A letter writer with a four-year-old daughter is tired of relatives and strangers fixating on the girl's looks, calling it creepy. The hosts riff comedically on making her look worse (burlap sack, mustard, mud) before giving real advice: don't worry about what strangers say, teach her that her worth isn't in her appearance, and trust your gut and leave if anyone gives a genuinely creepy vibe. One host quips that some people, like Dan Hudson, just have to live with being abnormally attractive. The Secular answer is read: talk privately with relatives and praise the girl for brains, manners, and niceness instead of appearance.

Dear LFTP: cousin wants a bite of everything at restaurants

• How do I stop my cousin from taking food off everyone's plate at restaurants?

A listener who is a healthcare worker writes that her cousin wants a bite of everyone's plate at restaurants and she doesn't know how to say no, especially with food safety concerns. The hosts' consensus is blunt: just say no, sometimes the answer needs no lengthy explanation. A host suggests mocking the open-mouth leaning by taking pictures, and the segment veers into crude COVID-era humor about people spitting on each other invisibly. The Secular answer is read: she has a right to refuse, or place a forkful aside so the dirty fork never touches the food.

Dear LFTP: husband's brother may be cheating, tell the sister-in-law?

• Should I tell my sister-in-law that my husband's brother may be cheating?

A listener says her husband works out of town with his married brother and suspects the brother is cheating; she wonders whether telling her sister-in-law would be overstepping. The hosts are decisive: truth is truth, tell her. Nathaniel advises giving the brother-in-law one week to tell his wife himself first, producing the segment's tagline: 'one week to speak or I'm gonna leak.' A host notes the advice is moving unusually fast. The Secular answer is read, calling the brother-in-law a conscienceless braggart and joking that karma won't protect the wife from STIs, then pivoting to ask why she didn't lead with the fact that her husband may be cheating on her.

Dear LFTP: gift-giving that never gets returned

• Is gift-giving supposed to be reciprocal, and how do I handle someone who refuses to give?

A listener is frustrated that a friend refuses to give any gifts for birthdays or Christmas while happily receiving them. The hosts reframe the question: if you like giving gifts, keep giving, because it's not a bargain where you get what you put in. The hosts riff that the man's love language is his own name whispered in his ear and imagine him with a tasteful nude of himself above the fireplace, dubbing him Chad. The Secular answer is read: if the situation were fine he wouldn't have written, so have a long-overdue talk with his daughter about one-way thoughtfulness. The hosts push back, saying thoughtfulness can absolutely be a one-way street and other people will let you down, which is why you worship a God who will not.

Outro: advice-only format and complaint-line sign-off

The hosts close the show, noting this is an advice-only episode, a format they run on the third week of each month, and invite listener feedback on the (515) 517-0085 complaint line. The episode ends with the show's recurring benediction: be faithful in the means, God will handle the ends.