August Guns

Show open and the 'special agent of the lamb' lyric question

• What exactly is a special agent of the lamb?

The episode opens from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper with a produced music bit, then a host asks what a "special agent of the lamb" means in a song lyric. The question is never answered; it launches twenty minutes of spiraling banter instead.

Welcome, complaint line, and the night's agenda

Ben welcomes listeners and lays out the night: the band The August Guns are in studio, a round of Secular vs. Solomon, and Dear LFTP advice. He gives the complaint line, (515) 517-0085, calling it the sponsored Bob Eisenlauer complaint line (ASR renders it "Bob Eisenhower").

The August Guns are introduced and cheer for themselves

Ben introduces the guests, The August Guns, and jokes that they had to cheer for themselves; after a re-take they get a proper welcome. A host addresses one of the other hosts by the on-air nickname "Buva".

Show agenda and the Kanye 'Jesus Is King' album banter

Ben previews the night's lineup, then asks Dan whether he listened to the new Kanye album; the hosts riff on Kanye's "Jesus Walks", the "Jesus Is King" album, Jim Nabors/Gomer Pyle, and a bit about enjoying "the raps" and "urban music" as suburban guys. Ben addresses Dan by name.

Band introductions and Micah introduces 'Castles'

The three band members introduce themselves: Kirk Phillips on bass, Royce Alaniz on drums, and Micah Smith on guitar and vocals. Micah introduces the song they are about to play, "Castles," describing it as one of his first songs for the project, about how people use idols to build their lives the way they want and the idols fail to hold.

'Castles' live performance

The August Guns perform "Castles" live in studio. The transcription captures only the opening lyric lines of the performance.

Where to find the music: the 'Salome' EP

After the performance the hosts ask where listeners can find the song: Spotify, iTunes, and theaugustguns.com, which redirects to the band's Bandcamp. The song is from their first EP, "Salome," released in 2016 and recorded before the current lineup joined.

Recording stories: The Establishment and Ardent Studios

The band tells recording stories. The first EP was cut in three days at The Establishment in downtown Des Moines, the first time Micah had ever sung on a project. The second EP, "Light for Dark Places," was recorded at the historic Ardent Studios in Memphis, Tennessee, where the engineer showed up four hours late, forcing five songs into four hours and pushing the release back months. A host asks whether the producer called the studio owner; they were comped a hotel room.

The KFC bit and the band-name origin

A comedy bit about a rude KFC drive-through worker who acted like he "was big in the seventies," then Ben asks about the band's name. Micah explains it comes from the WWI book "The Guns of August": pre-war Europe was so tense something had to change, which resonated with where he was in life, so he rearranged the words.

Fourth wall break and the book-buying confession

After a technical break Ben jokes about breaking the fourth wall, blames "Buba," and the band's book recommendation turns into a bit about Ben's Amazon cart and his vow not to buy more books after ordering five behind his wife's back.

The QuickTrip poll and the Bible mix-ups

• Cool or not cool: telling a man's wife about his secret QuickTrip decaf and cookie habit?

A long comedy bit: Ben poses a "purely hypothetical" poll about a man who stops at QuickTrip for watered-down decaf and a strawberry-lemonade cookie and whose friend rats him out to his wife; the panel votes it "ice cold." It spirals into the hosts mixing up Isaiah, Ezekiel, and Elijah, joking about "biblical cursing" and quoting "who told you to flee from the coming wrath."

Secular vs. Solomon: rules and first four rounds

The game Secular vs. Solomon begins with the August Guns as contestants. Ben explains the rules: he reads a bit of wisdom, the panel calls it secular or Solomon, and for secular answers they must name a country of origin. Rounds: "He who goes to bed hungry dreams of pancakes" is secular Malta; "Leave your simple ways and live and walk in the way of insight" is Solomon (Proverbs 9, host wavers between verses 5 and 6); "Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent" is Solomon, Proverbs 11:12; "Bargain like a gypsy, pay like a gentleman" is secular Hungary, sparking a tangent about bargaining in a Harare, Zimbabwe market and a mention of a previously interviewed guest named Zebedee.

Secular vs. Solomon: final rounds and game wrap-up

The game continues: "Whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get precious wealth" is Solomon, Proverbs 12:27; "A scoffer does not like to be reproved. He will not go to the wise" is Solomon, Proverbs 15:12; "When you go to a donkey's house, don't talk about ears" is secular Jamaica; "Seize opportunity by the beard, for it is bald behind" is secular Bulgaria; "A man is commended according to his good sense, but one of twisted mind is despised" is Solomon, Proverbs 12; "Under capitalism, man exploits man; under socialism, the reverse is true" is secular Poland. Ben wraps with a plug for the show's archive of game episodes, urges listeners to read one proverb a day, and jokes about artists who asked him to take their early appearances off the internet, prompting Kirk's "parable of the shoe" riff.

'Seasons' intro and live performance

Micah introduces the next song, "Seasons," also from the "Salome" EP, as being about God being faithful through the seasons of life and drawn from 1 Peter: "all flesh is like grass and flowers of the field that withers, but the word of the Lord stands forever." The band then performs it live.

Post-song: songwriting origins and streaming platforms

After "Seasons" the hosts praise the stripped-down setting. Micah says every song starts on acoustic guitar or piano before the full band "lights it on fire." They run through streaming platforms, landing on a Weezer/Deezer rhyme joke, and Ben teases Royce after a hug.

Dear LFTP: the pregnant housemate buried in other people's mess

• How do I nicely express that I am fed up with being the only one who keeps the house clean without coming off like a crazy pregnant lady?

Dear LFTP: a listener 7.5 months pregnant, living with her fiance, his cousin, the cousin's girlfriend ("Queen Slob"), and the girlfriend's little brother, does all the house cleaning and cannot get the house ready for the baby; she asks how to say she is fed up without seeming like a crazy pregnant lady. The panel advises a united conversation with everyone rather than passive-aggressive silence, with Dan's blunt take: get married, get the extra people out, and get her spiritual life in order. Kirk notes the deeper issue is bigger than housekeeping; Micah quotes the Solomon proverb about open rebuke being better than hidden love; Ben advises giving people the benefit of the doubt, setting house rules, and reads the "secular" advice column answer too.

Dear LFTP: the divorced man and his ex-wife

• Should I ask my ex-wife to dinner to give her someone to talk to, or just let things be?

Dear LFTP: a man divorced 26 years, never remarried, still loves his ex-wife who now regards him as the enemy; he asks whether to invite her to dinner or let things be. The consensus is to let her go and grieve: nothing he has done changed her view, and as Micah puts it, it takes one person to forgive but two to reconcile. A commenter named Taylor adds that it is safer to love someone from a distance.

Dear LFTP: the husband's unexplained weight loss

• My husband has lost a lot of weight over ten months and refuses to see a doctor; how long do I give him?

Dear LFTP: a wife whose husband has lost significant weight over ten months, is not on drugs, eats well, and refuses to see a doctor; she fears cancer and asks how long to give him. The panel reads it as possible clinical depression and notes she frames everything around herself (the church ladies' gossip, how it looks). Advice: refocus on him rather than herself, encourage counseling, and don't go behind his back to his doctor. Ben reads the "secular" answer, signed by a commenter named Regular, urging her to alert his doctor because sudden unexplained weight loss can signal life-threatening illness; the hosts debate whether HIPAA would even let the doctor share anything. The segment ends on band-name jokes ("juggernaut of narcissism").

Show wrap: tour dates, complaint line, and 'Speak True'

Ben wraps the show: the band's upcoming run (Minneapolis, Owatonna, Lefties in Des Moines on Saturday the 23rd, Waterloo on Saturday the 7th, dates on Facebook), the complaint line repeated, then the band closes with "Speak True" from their new record, influenced by Ezekiel 37's valley of dry bones, done as a smooth-jazz rendition with a music video filmed in a church. A nuzzle joke with "Buva" precedes the live performance.