Don’t Wet Your Pants

Show open: studio intro, Instagram handle, and Boova's chipped-tooth photo

The show opens from the Pathway Studios in Johnston with the hosts bantering about their Instagram handle, then ribbing Boova about the old intro photo where he looks like a huge 12-year-old with a chipped tooth; they joke about giving everyone chipped teeth and riff on a 'strip store priest' bit.

Lineup and Mike's follow-up zingers on the ex-evangelical pastor

The hosts run down the night's lineup (Secular vs. Solomon), then Mike, who missed the prior episode's ex-evangelical discussion, delivers his follow-up zingers: he was irritated that the ex-evangelical pastor bragged about reading the Bible 42 times, reading it to tally stats rather than to receive what it had to give. The hosts trade jokes about Ben vacuuming the air out of the room and Boova talking over Mike on the car ride.

Banter: small talk, Pants, and Dan's kids' Christmas newsletter

The hosts riff on meaningless small talk ('how's your day'), with Ben noting Pants (who does the show's produced opening) does the same half-in-the-car thing; a running gag about mistaking Boova for a wild animal and keeping a shotgun by the door; Dan's well-behaved kids and the idea of a newsletter of only terrible things that happened.

The God-is-good foundation: answering the ex-evangelical pastor

Returning to the ex-evangelical pastor who said he never saw anything supernatural in 40 years of ministry, the hosts argue the foundational principle: to follow Christ at all you must believe God is good. If he is good, then unanswered prayer falls under his sovereign province; they discuss self-centered faith ('shaking hands with Lazarus and going, that's great but my uncle's still dead'), compassion fatigue toward large-scale suffering, and how God normally works through people so miracles get misattributed to doctors and medicine.

LifeWay survey: is Christian service just giving up purchases?

Ben reads a LifeWay Research 2019 discipleship study finding less than half of Protestant churchgoers intentionally give up purchases to help others. The hosts critique the survey's narrow definition of service: Jesus washing the disciples' feet wouldn't pass it ('if Jesus takes your survey and he's a no, then perhaps you're not asking the right question'); Dan tells of nearly buying an elderly woman's groceries; Ben tells of his church missing the boat while 30 old ladies sent $5 cards after a house fire. Takeaway: don't wait for people to ask for help — 'just do the help.'

Pope salve: Boova's testimony of overwhelming joy, then wasted anger

Boova (addressed by name in the audio) asks Ben's permission to deliver a 'pope salve' and gives a testimony: after a 12-hour shift he wept twice listening to the worship song 'Fill My Cup' with family, overwhelmed by God's joy and peace — then lost it within hours, fuming all day over work, wasting nearly a day in anger that changed nothing. He closes urging listeners to choose rest in God's hands because Jesus promises peace and joy as the natural fruit of a real relationship with him.

Wet pants and the deeper well: wanting the good, not just managing behavior

Ben responds to Boova's testimony with an image of a man wetting his pants to show the world how angry he is — the only person hurt is the one sitting in wet pants — then teaches that sanctification isn't behavior management ('slap your hand, don't be angry') but God creating the desire for the deeper well: living water versus a shallow dirty puddle that seems faster. Boova ties it back to filling his own cup (always fails) versus God filling it with new wine. They accept it as the pope salve.

Secular vs. Solomon, part 1: game rules and the first rounds

Ben hosts a round of Secular vs. Solomon (Mike, Dan, and Boova play): guess whether each proverb is biblical (Solomon) or worldly wisdom (Secular, with a country of origin). Rounds: 'a night without roosters will still end' = Secular Ghana; 'like clouds and wind without rain is the man who boasts of a gift he does not give' = Solomon, Proverbs 25 (Boova guessed 19); 'bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel' = Solomon, Proverbs 20 (Mike closest with 19); 'a king's wrath is a messenger of death, and a wise man will appease it' = Solomon, Proverbs 16 — prompting a debate about appeasing an unjust despot.

Secular vs. Solomon, part 2: lids, striking back, and final scores

• Who changed Jesus' name from Yeshua, and where were they from?

The game continues: 'a good name is better than a nice scent' = Secular Kenya (after Egypt/Russia guesses and a Stinky Joe riff), with a tangent on Yeshua-to-Jesus transliteration via Tyndale and Ellis Island name changes; 'dung is no saint, but where it falls, it works miracles' = Secular Spain (Boova's Congolese-rice joke gets him laughing too hard); 'the simple man believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps' = Solomon, Proverbs 14; 'a fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion' = Solomon, Proverbs 18; 'if there is a lid that does not fit, there is a lid that does' = Secular Japan; 'if you do not strike back at him who hits you, there's no way for him to find out whether you also have hands' = Secular Russia. Mike wins the round.

Dear LFTP: a recent grad asks how to help his unhealthy dad

• How do I intervene in my dad's unhealthy lifestyle (food, no exercise, smoking) without seeming disrespectful while living under his roof?

Mike reads a Dear LFTP letter: a recent college graduate living at home worries about his dad's food addiction, no exercise, and smoking, and asks how to intervene without seeming disrespectful. The hosts agree: offer, don't force — he has to want it; be patient and loving; expect defensiveness; recognize the addiction may mask deeper trauma; one host ties it to the deeper-well idea (if you don't believe the well exists, the puddle is all you know). The Secular answer suggests a loving direct conversation and a doctor's smoking-cessation plan.

Dear LFTP: dating your ex-wife's sister, plus the dog in the manger

• Is there any reason a divorced man should not pursue a serious relationship with his ex-wife's sister when it is upsetting the ex-wife's family?
• What is the dog in the manger fable about?

A 57-year-old divorced man writes that he's seriously dating his ex-wife's sister Edith and his ex is turning family and friends against them. The hosts call it a terrible idea: the complication never goes away (holidays, deaths), and Dan suggests the real driver is both of them being angry at the ex. The Secular answer says the ex lost the right to dictate his dating life, calling her 'the proverbial dog in the manger' — prompting Ben to look up the Greek fable and read its Gospel of Thomas saying-102 variant aloud.

Show close: off next week and the benediction

The hosts close: off next week, back the week after; the complaint line number is given as (515) 517-0085; Ben closes with the sign-off, 'be faithful in the means, God will handle the ends.'