Grammys and Cheeseburgers

Show open: back from the break

After a brief pre-show exchange, the hosts open from the Pathway Studios in Johnston and address an unbroadcast gap since the last show, joking that the hiatus was an intentional 'sabbatical.' They drop the fourth wall about pre-recording the interview segment. Mike is addressed by name on-air.

Episode rundown

The hosts preview the episode: an interview with spoken-word artist Egypt about her new album Cathedrals (a listener is asked to guess the host's favorite tracks), a discussion of the '23 Easters and the church is gone' article Mike found about mainline Protestant decline, and a Kentucky man's lawsuit over an 'I'M GOD' license plate.

Interview: Egypt's touring life

Guest Egypt joins by phone. The hosts greet her (she is explicitly introduced by name) and ask about her chaotic touring life; she credits her mother's refusal to say no to anything, listing youth-group ministry, rapping with the Newsboys, and playing guitar for Switchblade as typical of one week. She admits her only real downtime is recovery before more touring.

Interview: what 'Cathedrals' is about

Egypt explains the album's origin: pressure to follow up the successful 'Letters and Scars' while it was under Grammy consideration, then touring the Mexican border with the Christian folk band Desiring Dead Flesh, where she found a massive locked church building on the Rio Grande in a hurting, high-crime neighborhood. Asking whether anyone would notice if her own church vanished led her to frame Cathedrals as an open letter to the church — spurring change, not conflict. She adds that spoken word can't hide its faith the way music can, recalling a bargoer who was stunned a Christian wasn't judging him.

Interview: favorite tracks walkthrough

The hosts name their favorite tracks — Wordplay, Handshakes and First Impressions, As I Am — and Egypt tells each one's backstory: Wordplay came from her grandmother wishing people would 'say what we mean' (it features a Taddie Fone collaboration and the lyric 'atheism is the only nonprofit organization'); As I Am, a worship track with rapper Queese of Grand Rapids, frames her terrible-cooking kitchen-fire story as a 'come as you are' reminder; Sometimes I Like The Silence is the album's only music-less track, born from her needing constant noise and realizing she wasn't hearing God; she also names Orphans in the Choir and The Gospel According to Nana, which features her 73-year-old grandmother in studio.

Interview: Grammy ballot experience

Egypt recounts discovering her music was up for first-round Grammy ballot consideration (her pastor friend Pastor Wayne Nail heard her 6am squealing), then attending the ceremony in New York with her grandmother and cousin — seeing Casting Crowns, her Camp Electric instructor Joann Debo, and Danny Gokey, enduring after-parties, and noting the quirk that the whole room is mic'd during commercial breaks so the audience can't be seen over everyone standing and talking. The hosts close the interview, urge listeners to find 'Egypt Speaks' on Spotify, and react afterward: praising her bravery and recounting Handshakes and First Impressions, with a joke aimed at Dan, who is addressed by name.

Cheeseburger road talk

• Will mainline Protestantism decline to zero in 23 Easters, and what is the way back?

Lighthearted food talk: the best cheeseburger by city — a $2.50 'deluxe' cheeseburger across from Madison Square Garden that 'tastes like absolute poop', In-N-Out in San Antonio as a tour stop, and Zombie Burger in Des Moines. A tangent follows on fast-food fry oil (beef tallow vs. modern oils) and real-sugar Mountain Dew.

Article: '23 Easters and the church is gone'

• Should an atheist be allowed to have 'I'M GOD' on his license plate?

The hosts work through the article Mike found: if current trends continue, mainline Protestantism (Lutheran, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Methodist) faces a trajectory toward zero in regular attendance and self-identification within 23 years, citing Episcopal researcher Kirk Hado. They conclude the decline traces to abandoned central doctrines — churches offering only liturgy and formalism without the hope of 'Christ crucified' — and say such churches should decline. The discussion turns to technology vs. community: online content and livestreams are good but must not be sold as a substitute for a local congregation where people are known and accountable. The hosts note the church 'has its lampstand taken away' when it loses the gospel.

News: Kentucky man's 'I'M GOD' license plate lawsuit

• Should my dating daughter choose the nearby college and move in with her boyfriend, or take the scholarship school three hours away?

A Frankfort, Kentucky man — atheist Ben Benny Hart, who had the plate in Ohio for over a decade — is suing Kentucky (backed by the ACLU and the Freedom From Religious Foundation) after being told the 'I'M GOD' plate is inappropriate; a judge let the case proceed. The hosts argue he should be allowed it on free-speech grounds, laugh at his weak case for divinity (his wife says he's a very handsome man), and land a joke: if he were God he could get an apostrophe on the plate. They tie it back to Egypt's interview — no Christian should be angry about it — and note past street confrontations at an atheist convention as the real witness problem.

Dear LFTP: daughter dating while choosing a college

• Are we living in a time of instant gratification?

A listener's daughter, who always planned to leave their small town for college, started dating six months ago; his parents offered to pay all expenses if the couple lives together and attends a nearby school. The hosts advise: choose purity first regardless of the college decision — don't move in with a boy before marriage — pick the school that best fits her educational goals (the scholarship school three hours away is not insurmountable), and don't make her housing and education dependent on a boyfriend's parents' goodwill. The show's 'Secular' persona answers similarly, warning against the risk if the romance sours.

Dear LFTP soapbox: instant gratification and Jell-O

• How should I handle my dad's embarrassing habit of sending restaurant food back?

A listener's soapbox about instant-gratification culture — people feeling compelled to answer cell phones immediately — prompts the hosts' riffing: one host answers his phone about 46% of the time; they joke Dan only calls when he hit a deer or someone's selling a website service. The 'instant Jell-O' hook spirals into a Jell-O history tangent: the Mormon Corridor 'Jell-O Belt', Utah's 2001 designation of Jell-O as official state snack, and the Jell-O No-Bake line from 1966. The verdict, echoed by 'Secular's' brief answer: faster tools just let people express timeless human folly more quickly.

Dear LFTP: dad who sends food back + sign-off

A listener in her thirties is embarrassed by her sixty-something dad's lifelong habit of sending restaurant food back to the kitchen, frustrating staff. The hosts advise letting it go — after all these years he won't change, it's his food, and the embarrassment says more about the listener than the dad ('Secular' concurs). One host shares his own steak-ordering story and a wrong-order fast-food anecdote. The episode closes with a plug for Egypt's album, live dates, and a teaser of a possible special interview next week.