The Long Con

Show open and bookmark confessions

The episode opens from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper with the standard show intro. A host mentions a lost news story titled 'Don't Call the Pro Life Swedish Midwife' before the conversation detours into a running joke about hoarded browser bookmarks. The hosts recall a years-old series on the atheist site godisimaginary.com and its '50 Simple Proofs,' setting up the next segment.

Proof 50 from godisimaginary.com: 'Ask Jesus to appear'

• Why doesn't Jesus appear to everyone today like he appeared to Paul and the 500?
• Is 'blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe' just a cover for a long con?

A host reads aloud proof number 50 from godisimaginary.com at length: Jesus would appear to everyone today if he had truly risen, since he appeared to hundreds after the resurrection (Matthew 28, Mark 16, Luke 24, John 20-21, 1 Corinthians 15:3-6). The article quotes Matthew 7:7 and Matthew 18 — the latter flagged by the hosts as wildly out of context — and argues Jesus' failure to materialize on prayer proves he is imaginary.

Answering the 'long con': why Jesus doesn't materialize on demand

The hosts push back: nobody in the New Testament demanded Jesus appear on command — people 'caught him doing it,' like Mark 6 where Jesus 'meant to pass them by' while walking on water. They joke about 'Jesus, materialize' as a magic formula, then dismantle the article's 'long con' claim: a con needs a payoff, but Jesus' supposed lies only led to his death, and his followers died for it too.

Preview: fear of failure and the truck scream fit

One host previews the extended segment coming later: for weeks he has felt a crushing fear of failure over everything going well in his life, culminating in tears with people he cares about. It ended in a screaming fit at God in his truck — windows hand-cranked shut — that turned into hysterical belly laughter, triggered by a childhood song hitting him differently as an adult. The hosts decide this becomes an extended second-hour monologue segment.

The pro-life Swedish midwife and the Benedict Option

• Is Europe's cultural trajectory a viable warning for the US or an overstated case?

A host reads from an article by the author of The Benedict Option about Eleanor Grimark, a Swedish midwife blacklisted and taken to court for refusing to participate in abortions. The hosts debate whether Europe's trajectory is a viable warning or an overstated case for the US, landing on: it should not surprise Christians. They discuss the cost of discipleship in the workplace, the Ephesus silversmiths as a biblical parallel, and the struggle over when to fight in court versus 'take your Christian licks.'

Donkey dung and Solomon's copper mines

A host reads a National Geographic story about 3,000-year-old donkey dung found at an ancient camp, suggesting Solomon had access to copper mines and long-distance trade routes that could explain his wealth. The hosts land on a skeptical, comic note: one disputes radiocarbon dating beyond a few thousand years, and they agree a pile of donkey poop was never going to change anyone's mind about biblical history.

Are certain prayers just a waste of time?

• Are certain prayers just a waste of time?

A host reads an article asking whether shallow prayers — like begging God for a green light when speeding — are a waste of time. The hosts trade stories: one prayed for green lights to cover chronic lateness to church; another walked away from God at 13 over unanswered traffic prayers. They find 3 John 1:2, where John prays for Gaius's health, as permission to pray about ordinary things, and quote Herbert McCabe on distraction in prayer: distractions are your real wants breaking in, so trace them and pray about those. The takeaway: prayer is bringing everything to God as conversation, not a slot machine for outcomes.

Noah's ark comedy interlude

A rapid comedy bit riffing on earlier segments: the hosts imagine Noah building the ark with a 3D printer, mind-control devices for the animals, a steam-engine motor (explaining the copper), and Noah crashing the boat while drunk. It functions as a palate cleanser before the extended testimony segment.

Be faithful in means; God will handle the ends

One host gives the full version of his story: new responsibilities fed a paralyzing fear of failure, ending in a screaming fit at God in his truck in Clive, which broke into laughter when the childhood chorus 'Jesus Loves Me' reminded him the outcomes were never his to carry. The conclusion: be faithful in the means in front of you today and let God handle the ends. The other hosts affirm it with a comedy riff on the throne room — worry boots, Isaiah's coal, Ezekiel's wheels — and the point that Jesus himself only did what the Father gave him to do before the cross.

The scabbard: comedy bit

A riff on Peter's sword at Jesus' arrest — where he was hiding it under a tunic, and whether whacking the servant with the scabbard instead of the blade did the damage. A host confirms the dictionary definition of 'scabbard' and jokes about a 'Sword in the stone' predestination website.

The gun range story: community corrects what you cannot see

One host recounts his shooting-sports slump: after years away his accuracy collapsed and he could not diagnose it, until a buddy watched him for fifteen seconds and fixed two small things (lazy support arm, rushed trigger pull). The point: you can do all the right actions and still miss the target slightly, and you need people alongside you who will tell you so. The hosts extend it to the spiritual life and to community that accepts correction, citing a Hebrews sermon example about drifting from shore without noticing.

Lawn care tangent

A brief comic tangent: a host describes killing all his creeping Charlie with spray, then failing to reseed before winter, leaving a dead brown lawn. He admits he no longer remembers why the story felt relevant when he started it.

Dear LFTP: the South Africa study-abroad letter

• What should the letter writer say to Katie about his 180 on going abroad together?

A host reads a Dear LFTP letter from a listener in Syracuse, New York, who planned a solo study-abroad trip to a small town in South Africa for 'complete immersion,' then learned a friend named Katie wants to join the same program and asks what to tell her about his 180. The hosts push back hard: a month or two abroad is not real cultural immersion, going alone does not make you Jason Bourne, and ditching a friend for a purity test is selfish. 'Secular' answers that the dream should not be abandoned over a friend's possible presence; be honest with Katie, maybe suggest different timing, and accept that familiar faces far from home can be a comfort.

Sign-off: the episode motto

The hosts close with the episode motto stated twice: 'Be faithful in means. God will handle the ends.' They invite listener email and sign off.