2016 Episode 34

Show open from Pathway Studios

The produced intro rolls and a host opens the show live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. Another host apologizes for flubbing the intro follow-up; the speaker-0 host praises Mike by name ('Very effective, Mike. Good job.') and sets the tone for the show.

Dryer-vent fire hazard banter

The hosts trade home-safety banter about dryer-lint fire risk, a drill-attached duct-cleaning kit, and a past incident where a host discovered a series of mini fires smoldering behind a gas dryer while the household kept drying clothes. The tone is comic anecdote with a real safety point.

Closest-you've-come-to-death stories

• What's the closest you've come to death?

Asked for the closest they've come to death, one host recounts drilling into a gas line he mistook for a soft-copper water line and evacuating the family, while another jokes about 'smiling at death' and overthinking the decision to flee.

First-half-hour of the presidential debate

• Who is the pro-marijuana candidate, since the country will need something to get through the next presidency?

The hosts react to the presidential debate: it was all peacocking and negative campaigning, with news outlets counting victories in seconds. The discussion moves to whether the presidency has lost the gravity it once held, citing the campaign trail's descent into entertainment.

Do we want a king or a commoner?

Extending the debate talk, the hosts debate whether they want an 'everyday Joe' or a proven leader: Bill Clinton's saxophone-on-TV commoner turn, Kennedy's unapproachability, Trump's appeal as a non-politician ('at least he's done something') versus Hillary Clinton's lifetime in politics. One host quotes the line from The American President about people drinking sand when no water is offered.

Cocaine-pastor update: no news

A host follows up on the pastor discussed two weeks prior who was caught buying cocaine and claimed the devil made him do it ('the devil's a liar'); there is no follow-up coverage of the Reverend Kenneth Dubose — no charges, no release, no church update.

The openly atheist minister

From the Christian Post: the United Church of Canada holds a formal hearing on defrocking the Reverend Greta Vosper, an openly atheist ordained minister who wants to keep her position at West Hill United Church. The hosts find the situation baffling — comparing it to a job where you disavow the organization yet demand to stay — while noting pension money is likely the real motive and contrasting with independent churches.

Dear LFTP: embarrassed about my home

• How do I respond to a former coworker who keeps pushing to visit my home when I'm embarrassed about where I live?

A reader lost her longtime job and is now embarrassed to host a former coworker who keeps pushing to visit her place. The hosts' advice: don't overthink it, suggest meeting at a coffee shop, own it if she comes. The 'Secular' persona's advice — a rotating list of excuses and white lies — is read and denounced as terrible advice: lying until the truth leaks out is worse than the honest truth up front.

Dear LFTP: witnessing a man verbally abusing children at a restaurant

• Should I have called the police on a man verbally abusing children at a restaurant, and would it have made things worse?

A reader watched a man loudly verbally abuse small children for 20-30 minutes at a restaurant and asks whether calling the police would have helped or made it worse. The hosts weigh passivity (one admits he's the ninth of ten to call police), whether confronting a stranger ever produces lasting change, and the risk that intervention backfires on the kids at home. One host recounts asking a loud, drunk man to leave a gas station; another describes a stranger's public scolding of a Walmart mother that likely made the child's evening worse. 'Nick Harris' is asked on-air for his take and argues the approach matters more than the impulse. The consensus: pray for the kids and parents, act only on a clear inclination, and know that inserting yourself is usually the wrong move; Secular's answer (police can't arrest for verbal abuse; the restaurant manager should have stepped in) draws mockery about 'micro levels of authority'.

Dear LFTP: sister engaged to a man the writer detests

• Am I required to attend my sister Dawn's wedding to a man I detest?

A reader's sister Dawn got engaged to a controlling, job-hopping man who lies to the family, and the reader has threatened to skip the wedding. The hosts' unanimous answer: go. Skipping makes the wedding about the reader, creates a twenty-year rift, and guarantees the sister will never seek the reader's counsel if the marriage fails. The recommended posture: pray God reveals the truth — including the possibility the reader is wrong — and be faithful in loving people while letting God handle the ends.

Dear LFTP: am I that forgettable?

• What is the appropriate response when someone acts like meeting me is the first time, even though we've met several times?

A reader feels people act like meeting her is the first time and wonders whether it's intentional. The hosts advise distinguishing intentional cruelty from genuine forgetfulness, and suggest the cure is remembering others well — plus comic options like a mustache, a pink eyebrow, or a 'Whiskers' style distinctive look. The discussion drifts to London's 'Fats Cobain,' Dapper Dan, and the principle that how you want to be remembered is in the eye of the namer.