2016 Episode 23

Show open

The episode opens with the show ident recorded live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston, before a host launches into a customer-service story. A brief on-air mic-dial-tone mix-up disorients the host before the first story begins.

Internet outage and modem-call customer service rant

A host tells the story of his home internet going out two to three times a day, being on hold with the provider for an hour and five minutes, and the circular offer of a free replacement modem that may not fix anything. He threads the story into a broader point about companies arming front-line staff with no real solutions, and the hosts riff on the stalemate of customer-service calls.

The free-hat customer-service story

A host recounts the opposite experience: when he handled customer complaints himself, an aggrieved customer asked 'can you send me a hat?' for his trouble. The hosts riff on the idea of apology swag — souvenir mugs and cups that remind angry customers of the company — and on people who expect free merchandise from businesses, including a bit about asking for free hats at a Caterpillar dealership.

Hair clippers and the Philippines electrical fire

A long comedy tangent about hair clippers: dog clippers used on human heads, clipper maintenance, and 'sport clippers' for men. One host tells the story of plugging his clippers into a Philippine outlet, setting them on fire, and extinguishing them in the hotel shower. They mock-adjudicate the wisdom of that decision with 'points' to each other.

Christian Post clickbait and evangelical politics fatigue

• How should Christians decide between two flawed candidates when both choices feel like 'lesser of two evils'?

After a station break, the hosts discuss terrible Christian Post commentary articles about the evangelical meeting with Donald Trump, then widen into how Christians should think about the election: a lesser-of-two-evils choice that many find agonizing, the realization that politicians cannot fix everything, and the parallel with church life — don't farm out your discipleship or your civic life to institutions, live it yourself.

Nine pre-sermon distractions and the review-driven culture

A host reads an article of 'nine distractions that shouldn't happen right before the sermon' and they walk through them with the pastor on the panel: personal problems, physical problems, 'we need to talk after the service,' malfunctioning equipment, unclogging toilets, last-minute announcements, and criticism. The last one launches a long riff on how the review culture (Amazon stars, Goodreads) makes everything exhausting — judging everything means never simply receiving anything — with a host admitting he cannot review anything and rates everything a four.

The public Philippines travel diary

Riffing on the review discussion, a host confesses he kept a public online travel journal during six weeks in the Philippines, including a photo of a restaurant named 'KKK' captioned 'perhaps we should have rethought the name of this restaurant' that drew an angry response from a Filipino reader. The hosts debate whether a public travel log is like Facebook, with hashtags and social-media oversharing jokes.

Bash on the Farm recap and Silversyde testimony

A host recounts taking his oldest daughter Grace to the Bash on the Farm Christian music festival in Forest City, Iowa. He describes Silversyde's singer Laura giving an honest, heavy testimony from the stage that scared and moved his daughter, leading to a car-side conversation about the depth of God's grace. They also cover the absurdity of being handed three identical gospel tracts by the same volunteer, the grave-robbers metal band with zombie masks and shovels, and the parenting lesson that the tattoo-and-pink-hair crowd knows grace better than suburban churchgoers.

Do chickens have ears? comedy bit

• Do chickens have ears?

A throwaway question — would chickens at the metal stage mind the noise? — spirals into a bit about whether chickens have ears, a rooster named Cockroach who meets a host's truck like Fabio, and a host Googling 'do chickens have ears' live to find the top suggestion is 'do chickens have nipples, tongues?'

Dear LFTP: the messy boyfriend and the one-cup rule

• Can you give me tips on becoming better at cleaning, so my girlfriend doesn't feel like my maid if she moves in?

The first Dear LFTP letter: a man moving in a few weeks asks for cleaning tips because his girlfriend is (rightly) hesitant — underwear on the floor, plates piling up. The hosts advise beyond cleaning to growing up: one host's 'one cup' minimalism method (own one cup, one set of silverware, two towels), find married couples to watch how it works, and just start doing the dishes. The Secular answer is read: a wicker basket hamper with a target painted on the bottom, and washing dishes immediately for a week.

Dear LFTP: skateboard kids, pea gravel, and the law

• What can a neighbor do about reckless skateboarding teenagers and loose dogs in the street when the parents don't care?

The second Dear LFTP letter: a neighbor terrified of hitting reckless skateboard kids (no helmets, loose dogs) writes for advice. The hosts go full comedy — tripping them, parking over the sidewalk, throwing pea gravel on the street so they wipe out, a flip-number scoreboard — before the Secular answer is read: talk to the parents about the near-misses, then call the police or animal control, which the hosts mock as 'be the worst possible neighbor' and the reason we have a hard time loving each other.

Outro: book plugs and upcoming guests

Sign-off with housekeeping: Wayne Stewart's book 'Wind Totem's Fall' is out (preorder on Amazon), the Connection Music Festival went well, a CD from Arendelle and music from Tessa Johnson are plugged, Light 45's song 'Steeped' is recommended with a July 11 in-studio visit announced, and Bending Hope is coming in. The episode closes with the show's benediction: 'be faithful in the means; God will handle the ends.'