November 10, 2014 Podcast

Show open and the 'Psalm Palm' joke

A host opens the show from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper, then riffs on televised faith healers who smack people with their hands, coining 'the Psalm Palm' ('You've been Psalm Palmed'). Another host asks which verse they think the practice comes from. The bit lands as the episode's first comedy beat.

Tonight's lineup

A host previews the show: item #10 from the time.com list 'What I gained when I lost my religion' (more realistic expectations about life), What's Trending with Dan, Dear LFTP advice, and a roundtable on puzzling teachings of Jesus introduced by Dave Herrick. The lineup recaps the previous nine list items.

Arsenio Hall hasn't aged, and Boova's birthday

The hosts marvel that Arsenio Hall looks exactly the same as he did decades ago, then pivot to teasing Boova (addressed by name on-air) about his birthday and his size, with Boova joking that he 'came out the size of a baby elephant.' Pure studio banter.

'More realistic expectations about life': the hosts push back

• Does losing your religion actually give you more realistic expectations about life?

A host reads #10 from Neil Carter's list: losing religion means no longer believing a 'ubiquitous, all powerful, paternal figure is orchestrating events' for your benefit. The hosts counter that the Bible never promised the universe revolves around you (Romans 8:28 is cited), that God does 'God-sized things' for those willing to see them, and that faithfulness in the means -- not control of outcomes -- is the Christian's business, illustrated with Moses and the plagues.

Preview of #11: the preciousness of life

A host previews next week's final list item -- 'a greater appreciation for the preciousness of life' -- and the room reacts with interest. Short bridge into the news segment.

What's Trending: the terminal teen's early graduation and prom

• What advice would you give to a teenager who has terminal cancer?

Dan Hudson, introduced by name on-air (seg-00150), tells the story of a 17-year-old Texas senior with terminal leukemia whose friends and school held an early graduation and prom for her before she died. He poses the discussion question: what advice would you give a teenager with terminal cancer, offering three options (keep them happy, talk about God and heaven, or avoid the conversation).

What do you say to a dying teenager?

The hosts split between talking about God and heaven and simply listening, with one arguing the dying teen has perspective the living cannot touch. Dan Hudson, a former hospice chaplain, says the dying often do not want to talk about eternity and you must be intentional about turning the corner; he shares a plane-crash survivor's line that 'people die the same way they live.' Boova (addressed by name on-air) adds his instinct to lighten the mood with humor, joking about a McDonald's bar in heaven and coining the band name 'Jesus and the McDoubles.'

What's Trending: the drunk actor on the train

• What's your advice to a believer when it comes to drinking alcohol?

Dan Hudson reports that an intoxicated actor climbed onto a commuter train, touched the 12,500-volt pantograph, caught fire, and later died. He reads Proverbs 23 on the woes of those who 'tarry long over wine' and asks the room for their advice to a believer on drinking alcohol, with options: abstain, moderation, or 'party on.'

Alcohol: moderation, not legalism and not license

The room lands unanimously on moderation -- avoid drunkenness -- while warning that 'moderation' gets stretched by people hunting for loopholes. One host reframes the issue as whether you trust Jesus with your joy; another vents frustration at online debates that use Jesus' wine-drinking to make him look 'cooler' as license for behavior already chosen apart from him.

What's Trending: chemo in the morning, Garth Brooks at night

• If God were to stick his hand out and write something in the sky today, what would it be?

Dan Hudson tells of a cancer patient who had chemo in the morning, attended a Garth Brooks concert that night, and was serenaded when Brooks saw her sign reading 'chemo this morning, Garth tonight, enjoying the dance.' Brooks' on-stage line about God sticking his hand out prompts Dan's open question: if God wrote something in the sky today, what would it be?

The 'I AM' sky-writing riff

The hosts agree God's sky message would be 'I AM,' then spiral into comedy: one says he would weep in a grocery parking lot, another schemes to delay Christ's return with a daily 'it will be today' billboard, and the mene mene tekel writing-on-the-wall joke ('mini mini techle') gets one-upped. The bit ends with angels in hammer pants and a mock-prophecy about hugging someone while whispering 'McDouble.'

The eggnog confession

Boova (addressed by name on-air) confesses he cannot control himself around eggnog despite a sugar condition that could kill him: he buys it, feels guilty, and drinks the whole carton so there is no evidence. Another host deadpans 'to die is gain' (Philippians 1:21), and the room riffs on novelty eggnog flavors.

Ask God how things are going: honest prayer

A host (speaker-1, who self-identifies on-air as 'Mike' at seg-00399) shares a prayer experiment from the drive in: distracted in prayer, he tried opening with 'Lord, how are things?' -- treating prayer like a real conversation -- and found it easier to stay present. He resolves to stop phoning in prayer with church words he never uses ('fellowship'), restarting whenever he catches himself, and advises: ask God how things are going; he might answer.

The conversational translation: reading Scripture back to God

The same host shares a second trick: reading the Bible out loud and replacing God's name with 'you,' narrating the story back to him ('and then you did this'). The room jokes that God responds 'mhm, that's why I wrote it down,' and Boova coins 'God works in McDouble ways.'

Sponsor reads: Westfield Vet and the Eisenhower team

A host reads sponsor spots for Westfield Veterinary Hospital in Johnston (pet winter care, westfieldvethospital.com) and the Eisenhower team realtors (eisenhowerteam.com, Des Moines metro and Ames), joking about a dead pet fish that never made it to the vet and teasing Boova about buying a house with no money down.

Dear LFTP: the stepdaughter's spare room

• Am I being unreasonable asking to repurpose my stepdaughter's room now that she is off to college?

The Dear LFTP reader (speaker-1) reads a letter from a stepmother of eight years: her 18-year-old stepdaughter is off to college, and she wants to repurpose the girl's packed spare room while her husband, grieving the empty nest, says he needs time. The hosts side with the husband's need for patience -- give it a year -- while calling the letter's 'I deserve' framing selfish; the read 'Secular' answer agrees: slow down, or you will look like the wicked stepmother.

Truth Network sign-off and break banter

A host dismisses the Truth Network 99.3 FM radio audience while the podcast continues, and the room fills the break with loose banter about the show's podcast feed.

Roundtable setup: 'Jesus' blank checks'

• Are Jesus' 'whatever you ask in prayer' statements a blank check?

Dave Herrick (addressed by name on-air, speaker-3) frames the roundtable: two teachings of Jesus that sound like blank checks, starting with Mark 11:24 ('whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours,' also Matthew 21:22), given after the temple cleansing and the cursing of the fig tree. He asks the room: is this a blank check?

Blank check #2: 'whatever you ask in my name' (John 14)

• Are Jesus' 'whatever you ask in prayer' statements a blank check?

Dave Herrick presents the second statement from the Last Supper discourse, John 14:12-14 -- 'whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son' -- noting the recurring theme of trusting God, and asks whether Jesus is promising the ability to alter reality by prayer.

Is it a blank check? Sovereignty, the fig tree, and forgiveness

The room converges on 'no': the promises sit inside God's sovereignty and kingdom purposes, not as leverage over him. Boova argues the person with real faith would not ask for a Lamborghini; Dan Hudson notes God does not surrender sovereignty to a verse; another host ties Mark 11:24 to the fig tree's judgment on fruitless religion and to the very next verse on forgiveness, which already limits what can be asked; 1 John 5 ('according to his will') is cited as the fuller-counsel restraint. The segment closes with the candy-store analogy: 'you can have anything you want' only applies inside the candy store.

Dear LFTP: neighbors using our house as a smoking lounge

• Is it as rude as I think it is that our neighbors use our house as a smoking lounge?

The reader reads a letter from a smoker whose neighbors come over daily, sit silently on the couch glued to their tablets for an hour, and leave -- apparently using the house as a warm smoking room. The room splits: stop allowing indoor smoking to filter them out, versus radically generous hospitality ('people can't steal anything from you that you're giving away for free'), with Boova demanding at least conversation in exchange. The 'Secular' answer calls it rude and tells the husband to speak up -- which the hosts overrule in favor of generosity.

Outro: interpretive dance threats and sign-off

The hosts joke that an interpretive dance to Godspell or a chipmunk-voice 'Papa Was a Rolling Stone' would drive the silent neighbors away, then sign off with contact info and a reminder of the sponsors.